Wednesday's Desire or Really Nice Ass

Back again (and on time) with another weekly submission of DoRNA. But this week is a special treat--the classic addition. I've rummaged through old e-mails and memories to come up with some of the best crap I've ever found. So yes, you've probably seen it before, but if not, trust me, this is the gold standard that I judge weekly submissions against:

1. ZZZZ Best: The greatest online short-story I've ever read. Okay, maybe I've only ever read one, but five minutes into this I was sucked in. It's the true story of a guy that pulled off the most elaborate and fascinating con jobs I've ever seen. No Hollywood special effects, no ridiculous plot twists. Just a good old fashion scam that takes place in a online multiplayer game. Plus, the writing is really phenomenal for what it's worth:
   

   "I could think of so many potential ways to make an unethical profit that it made my head hurt, and for once, I welcomed the pulsing pain. Horatio
   Alger's spirit was alive that day, and I reveled in it."
   
   ....
   
   "He was breathing heavily, his lungs desperately grabbing for the heroic air molecules that would be pumped through his evil, bloated arteries. I reciprocated his action by breathing heavily as well, but for an entirely different reason. My fists tightened, my teeth slowly grinded against each other, and my eyes burned. I wouldn't allow myself to sabotage hundreds of millions of credits for a small amount of ego gratification. I just wouldn't."

   
   It actually takes an hour to read, but I promise it will be well worth it.
   
   
2. Ultimate Showdown: What does Godzilla, Batman, Shaq, Aaron Carter, Abe Lincoln, Optimus Prime, Jackie Chan, Indiana Jones, Gandalf the Grey (and White), et. all have in common? They star in the greatest flash music video ever made. Oh yeah, Chuck Norris might be in it too.
   
   
3. Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Another great flash music video based on Star Wars. What's that Luke? "Yeah, that's right R2. I just set a new course. We're going to Cloud City. Mmmm...ahhh....that's a mighty good gin and tonic. You should fix me up another."
   
   
4. There She Is: It's amazing how he made a compelling story out of a rabbit and a cat. My third selection for the greatest flash music video. Notice something about all these videos I selected? Just like South Park, animation quality is a distant third to creativity and style.
   
   
5. Arnold Commercial: I wanted to explain this, but this guy over on i-mockery.com does it perfectly:
   

   He even shouts something that, again, I have no idea what it means. It sounds like "moooweee bwaaaaain!"... which might be Japanese for, "My brain!", suggesting that his brain is on sensory overload. And now comes the pinnacle of insanity. Arnold lands back at the table where he was once sitting and one of his pals is getting buried alive in noodles, or paper shreds, or god knows what. And they're all loving it! But the way Arnold laughs, holy god damn... it never ends! He just keeps laughing and laughing and laughing as he proudly displays the chaos he has created.
   
   

6. Desire or Really Nice Ass: The original and the inspiration for my weekly blog entry. The music, the story-telling, the great ass...what's not to love? (BTW, the author is nice enough to give us the scoop: her name is Keyra Agustina and the song is "Craig Armstrong - The Escape," so my work is done). Plus the DVD commentary is a first (that I've noticed) for a flash animationn. Bravo!
   
   
7. Honorable mentions to Star Wars Kid and Numa Numa Guy, but even I think they've gotten enough exposure.
   

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Update 1: Yojay trumps me with this video of Keyra Agustina. You know something? That guy was right....perfect. Damn.