Friday, May 26, 2006

Requiem for a Dream Revisited

I decided to do a little research and try to bring Requiem to a Dream to light, but once again, why reinvent the wheel? On his web page, Mike Butler describes it perfectly:

The most memorable part of "Requiem for a Dream" is the fast-paced, soul-scrapingly disturbing, epilepsy-inducing climax where the lives of the main characters go completely and irreversibly to shit.


Yup, that's what I remember. But his web page is more of a homage to the "Ass-to-Ass" guy:

It takes a special character to pull off introducing a sex act involving a huge black double dildo simultaneously anally penetrating two girls on a coffee table, and The Ass-to-Ass Guy doesn't disappoint. In the credits of "Requiem," there is no "Ass-to-Ass" Guy listed, however we think that he is the character listed as Uncle Hank played by Stanley B. Herman. I'm not sure how he got cast to be the Ass-to-Ass guy, but from what I can tell it was the role he was born to play.


But don't worry friends. Did you think I would leave you in the dark? Of course not. Here is the scene, in all it's glory:



My favorite part is the way he looks at the crowd, like he has just said the most profound words ever spoken, and he has to repeat them just in case the effect didn't sink in. Either that, or watching a young Jennifer Connelly take it "ass to ass."

Update 1: From the South Park Production Studios (yes, I'm a little confused too, but just go with me on this on, okay?), here is a great way to introduce my favorite expression into your vernacular:

"Ass to Ass": A pleasant way to express excitement while referencing Requiem for a Dream. As in, "Wait, there's no writers' meeting today? Ass to ass!"



Update 2: You really need to watch the video a few times to really appreciate the scene. My only question is why I never get invited to parties like that? Sean? You've got connections, right?

The Weekly DORNA

Okay, maybe I should change the name since I can't seem to stick to a schedule. Thus, let's just see if I can manage to do it once a week. Ahh, but lucky you--this is a another special addition. The latest selection on i-am-bored.com has inspired me to collect the greatest trailer mashups on line. So here they are, in no particular order: (...and as Fark would say, difficulty: no Breakback Mountain jokes).

  1. The Shining: Wow. This is probably the most impressive parody I've ever seen. It's amazing what a little background music and a voiceover can do. It's enough to make you forget that this is actually one of the best horror films ever made. In fact, I almost want to see this new film more than most of the crap in the theaters today.
  2. Ten Commandments: Another great example of what you can do with a contemporary soundtrack and a great voiceover can do. My favorite part: Yul Brenner saying, "Moses...Moses..." Not quite as good, but here is the other film they reference in the trailer, Must Love Jaws.
  3. Toy Story & Requiem for Dream: Only because I love both of these movies. Requiem for a Dream is one of the best films I've ever seen but always forget about. Unbelievably stylish with a great soundtrack. Plus, how can you not love a movie that ends with a quote like "ass to ass." The mix-up with Toy Story is incredible.
  4. Harry Potter: Okay, I said no Brokeback Mountain parodies, but this is definately worth watching. Since this originated on the E! network, I figured I'd give them credit and show you the original version.

EYEZMAZE will waste your day

If you never played GROW, you need to stop reading right now and play all three versions. Then return to this site and try your hand at Chronon. Free the little yellow guy before the landfish returns. Then, give the author a dollar ($).

Then, grow a tree.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A "Real" Record Broken

3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.5, 12. What are those numbers? The deactivation code in Lost? Fibonacci's' sequence? A spoiler for the Da Vinci Code? Nope. Those numbers correspond to the hours in the morning where I set a new personal record for vomitting in a 12-hour period--7 times. Let me tell you, I thought I was finished after #5, but I guess I had a enough left to go for the record.

Needless to say, DORNA will be delayed.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Monday, May 22, 2006

Weinstein Co. Gears Up for 'Knight Rider'

NEW YORK (Hollywood Reporter) – The talking car K.I.T.T. is heading to the big screen in the Weinstein Co.'s adaptation of Glen A. Larson's hit 1980s TV series "Knight Rider." Larson will write and exec produce the feature, which he anticipates will begin production next year. The project had previously been in development at Revolution Studios. Larson has bandied about the project for years. "A number of people wanted to do a pure comedic send-up of it, but I always felt that would throw away the franchise," he said. "There was always humor on the show, but this film will probably have more gallows, foxhole humor.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

WORD IS TEH SUCK!!!!

Let me just say that Microsoft Word is TEH SUCK!!

5/23/2006 - Update: It has been mentioned that this post doesn't have much meaning without any context. I'm here to give it the same context that Microsoft gave me when it displayed this gem on my flat panel screen.

So I'm working in Outlook, where I apparently (and foolishly it would seem) have Word as my default editor. Talk about overkill. I definitely don't need to be editing my e-mails using MS Word, what with all the kick-ass Word Art I'm not using. Well, Outlook seems to feel the same way, slowing to a crawl or hanging altogether after I've had it open for more than a few minutes. Generally, when this happens, I give my keyboard the 3-fingered salute and just restart the process. This time however, I decided to let Windows tell me what the problem was so I could do a little troubleshootin'..you know, maybe figure out what was wrong and make some changes so it doesn't happen again. After suffering through a few cryptic messages, doing my best to pinpoint hardware vs. software issues, Windows finally gave me the detailed error message you see above.

Hitting ok ony prolonged the agony, as this message would reappear each time I chased my errors down their respective rabbit holes. Thank you Microsoft, for bloating a perfectly good app to the point that it collapses under its own weight.

It is with this resolve that I stand by my original, slightly more succinct, statement:

Microsoft Word is TEH SUCK!

NYC Subway Tiles

This is a pretty good look at the beautiful collection of mosaic art found in the NYC Subway. Flickr goodness at its best.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Wednesday's Desire or Really Nice Ass

Damn. Okay, I missed my deadline by a few hours. But, in my defense, I am traveling to New York this weekend and had a few errands to run. Okay, I lied. I was drinking! Is that what you wanted me to say? Fine....

Anyway, here's a couple selections for this week:

  1. Baby Name Tool: No, I'm not advocating baby production (both editors of this blog have done enough of that lately). But this is a rather nifty tool to show the popularity of names over the past century. Although, this is a classic example of someone developing a tool that seems cool, yet serves no practical purpose. You can't sort names by popularity, so you're left "fishing" names out of thin air to search for. Nevertheless, still worth your time to play with for 5 minutes.
  2. 3rd World Farmer: There's got to be a system to beat this game, but I haven't figured it out yet. Wives are helpful because they not only come with a dowry, but they also provide a nice death buffer in the event of a famine (i.e., they die, not you). Maybe Sean can impress me with a screen shot of how much wealth he can accumulate. The real "measure" of the game is how long you live, which seems like it could be boring really fast.
  3. Banned Commercial: I'm convinced that this commercial wasn't actually banned, but that it was cheaper for the company (Microsoft) to just pretend it was banned and create a swirl on the Internet. Still, the effect is fascinating the first time you watch it.

Yes, I know, the list is terribly short, but I don't have my blog notebook with me, so I only could post the ones I remember. Maybe I'll do a extended version next week.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Lucasgate: The Secrets of Windermere



Star Wars? Are you kidding me!! Check out these pictures--this isn't Episode 7. Clearly, Sean has overlooked the only possible explanation--George Lucas buried the Ark of the Covenant in Windermere. Maybe they are digging it up for the rumored Indiana Jones 4 movie?

Sean, how many times have you personally been in the Well of Souls that you can't even recognize an entrance to an underground tomb in your own front yard?!

Episode VII - Demolition

To the right, please find a picture of our boy George Lucas. Happy days for George as he steers his epic science fiction juggernaut through Episode I. At this point in time, Jar Jar Binks has yet to be unleashed on the world, and our Star Wars memories are still pure. The future looks bright for the billionaire director and little Luke's daddy..


Fast Forward 7 years to May 2006, in a small Florida town outside of Orlando. A concrete sidewalk has been compromised in a newly constructed subdivision. Repairs are in order and a crew is on the scene. Two padawan workers begin the arduous task of breaking up the cement with a sledgehammer while their supervisor keeps a watchful eye on the progress. With this happening in my front yard at 8 am on a Saturday, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter!

I thought, perhaps, Episodes 7,8,9 were on some secret drawing board somewhere in Utah. Maybe a computer animated Star Wars flick set in the expanded universe...George has to be busy with that stuff, right?

Holy fuck of holy potato!

The following sequence is not photoshopped.


Update: I can't believe how stupid I was. This is the real reason Lucas was in Central Florida.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Loituma and Orihime, or Just Listen to This

Now, I don't normally like to blog about the stuff you can find on portals like i-am-bored, but tonight I have to make an exception. Here's what I want you to do. Open up the link below in a new window, watch the video for, oh I don't know, maybe a minute or so, and then come back and keep reading. In the meantime, just let the video keep playing in the background and let the music fill you with happiness.

http://i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=17253

"I said to her mother now stop that noise or I won't be responsible for what I do. If you go quietly and stay in your room you won't get hurt while your daughter I woo."

By now you've realized that she's on a loop, she's speaking Finnish, and that your brain is starting to hurt. The girl is actually Orihime Inoue, a major character in the anime and manga series BLEACH (check out the wikipedia article). Apparently she likes to eat weird food combinations, which might explain why she's twirling around a leek.

Still listening to the song? Great job so far! But it's time to cut the umbilical cord. Go close the window with Orihime. But don't worry, we'll see her again before the night's over. Next, I want to check out this Finnish polka band, Loituma, at this link. Sound familar? It should. This is the inspiration for our wonderful song. You can find the complete lyrics here.

My biggest complaint about the polka band video? No looping. But hey, maybe they just didn't have the foresight that the denizens of the Internet would want to listen to it repeatedly. The good news is that now that the video is finished, your computer should be silent. This gives us a chance to hang out with Orihime again! Why, you ask? Because from what I can tell, she seems pretty cool.

Click on the picture to watch a clip of my new favorite girl. The first minute gives you a good feel for her personality:



Apparently, she likes to eat ice cream...alot.

Well there you have it. From what I understand, a ringtone should be available soon if you'd like to have it on your phone. Enjoy!

Check out the Yojay Store. Like the blog? Buy the shirt!

3 hours...wasted

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Mickeygate: A story of Disney, the greed for power, and a young mercenary.

After reading the ZZZZ Best story again on Wednesday, I decided to do some more investigative journalism. Perhaps I could uncover another scam? One bigger than a carpet cleaning scandal or a Eve blueprint scheme. Maybe I could find something big. A real story....like a modern-day Bob Woodward (okay, maybe he's still alive, but that's beside the point). And then I found it--what may be biggest conspiracy in the past 30 years. Here it is: bloggin' at its finest!

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It's the mid-1990's, and life is good. Americans are reveling in their new found wealth, and companies are making fortunes by profiting off of the hedonistic desires of the masses. But a man decides to change that, and that is how the story begins. A revolutionary product is developed--so revolutionary that the inventor is quickly inducted into several prestigious yet mystical groups. But the inventor is a good man, who wants to share this product with the good people of this country. He finds a company, one that he trusts will do the right thing, and tries to bring this product to market and solve so many of the worlds ills. But, alas, this story has a darker ending.

This company was none other than powerful Walt Disney Company. Disney realized that this product would completely undermine the metaphorical infrastructure of happiness and magic. This was a revolution they could not afford. They tried to quietly bury the product, but our inventor, a brilliant man named Michael Pitzel, would not be silenced! He railed against the company and embraced a new platform that gave power to the people. A new way to spread the truth to the proletariat! He started a revolution on the Internet.

The year was 1996, and Disney had just purchased ABC. Their power was growing, but it hadn't reached to the Internet yet. While Disney could still control what people heard on the radios, watched on TV, and saw at the theater, the Internet represented a new horizon--one to be feared. Disney immediately launched a new initiative titled "Go" to undermine the web as a tool for truth. But the executives feared they would be too late. Pitzel's campaign was already too powerful, and the Go Initiative would take too long to stop him. They need to attack him directly, but a public attack would compromise Disney's integrity. They had no choice but to hire a mercenary--an outsider that could infiltrate Pitzel's campaign and destroy it from within. Fortunately for Disney, they possessed such a man.

Michael Eisner sat back in his chair, watching the board of directors argue about who was the right man for the job. They fell silent when he slid a copy of the January 1994 issue of Newsweek out into the middle of the table. There, featured in the article, was a new power. Someone who had captured the voice of the people. You see, Pitzel is not the only brilliant man in the story, for this is another. But his brilliance was far darker. He too had a vision--a vision to one day control the destiny of the Walt Disney Company. He joined the company in the early-1990's, but his attempts at usurping power were deftly struck down. Defeated, his leaders relegated him to department 7K-850, the "dungeon of Disney" as it was called in those day. But there, he bided his time and began to practice the dark arts. He learned this evil craft and began to spread his influence to the Usenet newsgroups. There, his power grew, and by 1992, the denizens of the Usenet anointed him the leader of the FDC, the Future Disney Cabinet. He took the title of Future CEO of the Walt Disney Company, mocking the company that kept him locked away in a small gray cubicle. By 1994, the Future CEO claimed more than 300 members of his so-called "cabinet."

This was the man that Disney needed. He could use his power on the Internet to crush Pitzel. But he had a price. Deliver me from the dungeon, and give me amnesty, he asked. And it was granted. So, this man used his power to create a campaign of lies and deception to destroy Pitzel. He sent his minions first to attack his credibility. Then he began a nefarious campaign to delete all of Pitzel's posts of the newsgroups. Pitzel was overwhelmed. He cried out for help, but the final blow was dealt on the historic day of May 26, 1996, when the Future CEO developed the Trimobius Disney Cabinet--a special sect of his minions whose sole responsibility was tearing down what was left of Pitzel.

Today, who knows what came of Pitzel? Sadly, his invention, the Trimobius, was never introduced. And the Future CEO? What ever happened to this man? Eisner kept his word, and freed him from the dungeon after Pitzel was crushed in the 1997. Still to this day, his post that formed the TDC is still recognized as "probably one of the finest pieces of net.sarcasm ever concocted."

To learn the truth, visit these websites:

The history of the Future Disney Cabinet
The patent for the Trimobius
Michael Pitzel's campaign for good
Sean Squier's campaign of evil
The missing posts

I ought to win a Pulitzer prize for this work. Either that, or I am trying to do anything to avoid doing my Business Law homework tonight. One of the two.

---------

Update 1: Yojay did his homework and found this Pitzel rant about the missing posts:

"This latest act of censorship, perhaps performed by idiots with only their fan status linking them to Disney, or perhaps acting under some form of order from Disney's command, is only one piece of a much larger picture."

See! It's all true! Maybe we can go public with the story on the 10th anniversary of the TDC (just two weeks away--make sure you've got your Trimobius hat to celebrate).

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Wednesday's Desire or Really Nice Ass

Back again (and on time) with another weekly submission of DoRNA. But this week is a special treat--the classic addition. I've rummaged through old e-mails and memories to come up with some of the best crap I've ever found. So yes, you've probably seen it before, but if not, trust me, this is the gold standard that I judge weekly submissions against:


  1. ZZZZ Best: The greatest online short-story I've ever read. Okay, maybe I've only ever read one, but five minutes into this I was sucked in. It's the true story of a guy that pulled off the most elaborate and fascinating con jobs I've ever seen. No Hollywood special effects, no ridiculous plot twists. Just a good old fashion scam that takes place in a online multiplayer game. Plus, the writing is really phenomenal for what it's worth:
    "I could think of so many potential ways to make an unethical profit that it made my head hurt, and for once, I welcomed the pulsing pain. Horatio
    Alger's spirit was alive that day, and I reveled in it."

    ....

    "He was breathing heavily, his lungs desperately grabbing for the heroic air molecules that would be pumped through his evil, bloated arteries. I reciprocated his action by breathing heavily as well, but for an entirely different reason. My fists tightened, my teeth slowly grinded against each other, and my eyes burned. I wouldn't allow myself to sabotage hundreds of millions of credits for a small amount of ego gratification. I just wouldn't."

    It actually takes an hour to read, but I promise it will be well worth it.

  2. Ultimate Showdown: What does Godzilla, Batman, Shaq, Aaron Carter, Abe Lincoln, Optimus Prime, Jackie Chan, Indiana Jones, Gandalf the Grey (and White), et. all have in common? They star in the greatest flash music video ever made. Oh yeah, Chuck Norris might be in it too.

  3. Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Another great flash music video based on Star Wars. What's that Luke? "Yeah, that's right R2. I just set a new course. We're going to Cloud City. Mmmm...ahhh....that's a mighty good gin and tonic. You should fix me up another."

  4. There She Is: It's amazing how he made a compelling story out of a rabbit and a cat. My third selection for the greatest flash music video. Notice something about all these videos I selected? Just like South Park, animation quality is a distant third to creativity and style.

  5. Arnold Commercial: I wanted to explain this, but this guy over on i-mockery.com does it perfectly:
    He even shouts something that, again, I have no idea what it means. It sounds like "moooweee bwaaaaain!"... which might be Japanese for, "My brain!", suggesting that his brain is on sensory overload. And now comes the pinnacle of insanity. Arnold lands back at the table where he was once sitting and one of his pals is getting buried alive in noodles, or paper shreds, or god knows what. And they're all loving it! But the way Arnold laughs, holy god damn... it never ends! He just keeps laughing and laughing and laughing as he proudly displays the chaos he has created.

  6. Desire or Really Nice Ass: The original and the inspiration for my weekly blog entry. The music, the story-telling, the great ass...what's not to love? (BTW, the author is nice enough to give us the scoop: her name is Keyra Agustina and the song is "Craig Armstrong - The Escape," so my work is done). Plus the DVD commentary is a first (that I've noticed) for a flash animationn. Bravo!

  7. Honorable mentions to Star Wars Kid and Numa Numa Guy, but even I think they've gotten enough exposure.

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Update 1: Yojay trumps me with this video of Keyra Agustina. You know something? That guy was right....perfect. Damn.

Dear Steve,

Was that so hard? Now maybe you've learned your lesson about staying away so long. Gay porn, spider genocide and unjust Hitler comparisons. You could have prevented all of it, simply by telling us about dressing up like Japanese women again.

Jay Bennish deserves nothing but my undying apathy towards replacing his irresponsible rhetoric in the About section. Does he deserve to be there? Not really, but we now have a well thought out, rational reason why not. Will he be replaced? Soon, but not until after I've gotten some sleep, as I have been awake since 6:00 am 5/9/2006 (24:16 hours) and counting. Major theme park Nextel failures on project launch day can be a bitch, especially during Nextel midnight server update time. Tomorrow begins when I wake up later today.

What is this blog really "About" anyway?

Update: Sean capitulated to my demands and has changed the About section of the blog. Never mind for now that it just has a random picture there--I'll deal with that later. Of course, that means this article is now completely nonsensical. Thus, here is what the section used to read:

"Jay Bennish, who teaches 10th grade world geography, is being investigated for making biased, anti-President Bush comments in class during a discussion of the State of the Union speech last month." In what context does this sound non-threatening to our future for free-thinking?

-------

The About section of the blog has bothered me for quite some time, and I'm not sure that I can let it go anymore (I think the MySpace post that Sean made pushed me over the top).

Check out Michelle Malkin's site for the full transcript of what was said in the class. Let's see for ourselves if Bennish deserves the support of this blog.

Capitalism...do you see how this economic system is at odds with humanity? At odds with caring and compassion? It's at odds with human rights...anytime you have a system that is designed to procure profit, when profit is the bottom motive -- money -- that means money is going to become more important potentially than what? Safety, human lives, etc.

Okay, I don't mind him taking a "provocative" approach towards capitalism, but where is his critique of other economic systems? Last time I checked, capitalism has been the most successful in producing both economic wealth and human rights. Socialism and Communism haven't exactly had the best track record. If Bennish wants to rant against some of the general fallacies of human nature, that's fine, but not economic system is perfect. I guess that I just find it a little disturbing that he presents such a one-sided argument.

Now, I'm not saying that Bush and Hitler are exactly the same. Obviously, they are not. Ok. But there are some eerie similarities to the tones that they use. Very, very "ethnocentric." We're right. You're all wrong.

Is it appropriate to make that comparison, especially of a standing president? Probably not. Here's the real question: is Bennish trying to make a point or make his students think? If he was trying to make a point, congratulations--you got your 15-minutes of fame and idol-worship from bloggers like Sean. However, if you are trying to make your students think, why would you make a comment that many of your students would find offensive? You risk losing credibility and the opportunity to make an impact on those offended students. Is the comparison fair? Perhaps, but he could have found a better way if his true intent is teaching his students.

Student: But we did not have the intention of killing innocent people. We had the intention of killing an al Qaeda terrorist.
Bennish: Do you know that?
Student: So, you're saying the United States has intentions to kill innocent people?
Bennish: I don't know the answer to that question.

Wow...what a crap answer. I'm sorry, but can we agree that Bennish is an extremist? Who else can legitimately profess to not know whether or not our government intends to kill innocent people? Does he have the right to have that opinion? Yes. Can he also believe in socialism? Yes. But should someone with extreme viewpoints (that cannot express them in a healthy manner) be allowed to teach children?

Other archeologists say the Hebrews didn't really come from Egypt. They were actually a group of Canaanites [Palestinians] who decided they didn't like the other Canaanites and developed this story afterward to justify how they killed all their neighbors and took over the land.

Wow, that sounds substantiated. I think a discussion of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is an excellent idea for class, but those type of statements are clearly meant to belittle one side of the debate.

Overall, Bennish seems like a prick. Not because of what he believes in, but because he seems extremely narrow-minded. Should he be investigated? Not by the feds, but the education board should make sure he's producing open-minded students and not just using his class room as a bully pulpit.

Threatening to our future for free-thinking? Yes, Bennish certainly could be to the students in his class. Can we please change the About section of the blog now?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Four-Year Trip to Alpha Centauri

What a great article from Popular Science! Most of the article is pure conjecture and theory, but the concept is fasnicating. Plus, the humor of the article alone is worth the read.


The Warp Drive To-Do List: a few not-so-minor challenges you'll need to tackle before takeoff.

  1. Discover Negative Energy
  2. Devise a Way To Manipulate It
  3. Harness Dark Energy
  4. Build Bubble Brakes


Would warping space be risky? It could produce the luminous equivalent of a sonic boom, a shock wave with infinite energy. And yes, that would be bad.

The Shame of Embedded Music

Are we running a MySpace portal now? I have to listen to your gay-ass music every time I load up the blog? Well, at least I have a new place to advertise the site now:

Cosplay Forums -- check
Video Game Portals -- check
Music Video Libraries -- check
Gay Porn Sites -- N/A

Hey Sean, can you send me the links to that websites you're always telling me about? As soon as you do, I can complete my checklist.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Most efficient RAID use ever

So, you start with a walk downstairs at 2:30 am to get some water, or maybe a baby bottle, whatever. You flip on a light to discover a 1 inch wolf spider in the center of your living room. Closer inspection reveals a large number of spider babies hitching a ride. Thinking you don't want your daughter's play zone to become Charlotte's web, you act fast, dropping a sophisticated spider trap on the creature, immobilizing her and her small army.

A sheet of paper underneath and you've got a self-contained spider transport...if that's what you're into. Me, not so much. Being tired and understandbly protective of my family, this chick and her spawn aren't going anywhere. But what to do. If I pick up the cup to smash her, some of the babies will undoubtedly escape. Even if they don't, who wants to clean up hundreds of squashed spider carcasses? Don't get me wrong, I like spiders plenty, but Charlotte was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Not wanting a massacre requiring massive cleanup, I decided for a more subtle approach. Finding some Ant & Roach RAID in the garage, I had a hunch that the spiders may have a hard time with the stuff as well. I sprayed a little on the paper and then slyly slid the cup over the poisoned area, with our spider and her babies inside. I placed the RAID can on top of the cup and went to bed.


(click images for a larger view)

I don't know how long they lasted in the deadly chamber, but when I came down this morning, my spider nemesis and her spawn were no more. Unbelievably, she had crammed at least 200 babies on her back while barely looking much larger than her normal self. At 200 to 1 reproductive ratio, these guys are here to stay.

Old school patriotism

You don't get much more patriotic than this. American flag tattoos are super, but a little permanent, plus the pain is only temporary. To truly "back" Old Glory and the Red, White & Blue, it takes a special man to up the ante a few notches. Also, it doesn't hurt to mow & edge a lawn in the Florida sun and then transplant 2 bushes.

"Here's to the Army and the Navy, and the battles they won won. Here's to America's colors, the colors that never run."

"May the wings of liberty never lose a feather."

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Premature Emancipation


Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

It seems I was a little short-sighted in my Boing Boing bashing post yester-morning. I have only begun to scratch the shark infested surface of the Boing Boing fish jumping phenomenon. Many have come before and many will surely follow, but thank the Big Bang that this guy has beaten me to what was surely to end up my fate. Xenisucks.com.

This site shows determination and, fer christ! It has this!


But is it really all it's cracked up to be? Xeni takes a strange approach to the attack by blogging it herself, trying to embrace the hate by dismisisng it as irrelevant. It's as though she is head and shoulders above this drivel. The problem is, xenisucks.com has a point. A blog that was as popular as Boing Boing should expect more from it's self-important, pseudo, tech 'journalists'.

Cory Doctorow (another Boing Boing editor) would never have a site called corysucks.com with the following mission:

So do you hate Cory or something?

Not really. I’ve read Boing Boing for a long time and only recently realized that I wasn’t really interested in it at all. And Cory’s posts are the worst. It seems like everything he writes is either about his DRM crusade, his book signings or Disney. I figured I could write a simple algorithm to quantify how much each post sucked, so I did it.




And finally, a directory of unbelievable backlash.

RIP Boing Boing. Your self-righteous, self-important, perspective-laden, DRM-obsessive techno babble will be missed...by me...since I'm not coming back...except to get context for the beauty that is this post.

Boing Boing jumps the shark?

So, I'm poking around the ridiculousness posted by gstdog, when I encounter the lock-up of my Firefox from the fighting brothers website link (see below somewhere). A quick browser restart asks me to get the Firefox upgrade (which I dutifully did) and then dumped me at their homepage.

That pissed me off.

In a completely unrelated turn of events, I'm suddenly asked about Hong Kong Disneyland from across the room. After some discussion, I decide to answer the questions with high res photos once and for all with the new local.live.com site from Microsoft. I assume I need Explor-whore for this, so I fire up the MS dino-browser. Lo and behold, my long lost Boing Boing is holding vigil as my trusty old school home page. (I long ago replaced BB with an assortment of other sites due to BB's increasingly narrow slant on topics and increasing nerdiness of the entire staff).

"Hey let's talk about DRM - FOREVER! - At the expense of all other topics!"

Plus, Xeni just really isn't all that hot, no matter what the NY hepcats think. You know what, I take that back. NY Hepcats are assholes for thinking that. You should be ashamed of yourselves..and your weirdly spelled nickname.

(FYI - Live.local.com is a big no-go in the HK picture department.)

So, to my point - Let's give Boing Boing another chance. Sure, some of their posts are a little late to the blogosphere, and others are just plain lame, but holy fuck of holy potato:

Spelling out Camus's "Myth of Sisyphus" in cookies

the artist will spell out Camus’ existential essay “The Myth of Sisyphus” in cookies, one word at a time. each word will be installed in a public location and constructed from a different kind of cookie, locally-purchased or prepared. each word of the essay, 1406 in total, will appear in a different city. the project will continue indefinitely until the improbable event of its completion. link of death

Yes, I'm trying to get it. "It's absurd." It's just gay. And by gay I mean stupid, because gays are stupid. But not really. It's still gay. I hope the link to Boingboing makes her commit to this gay project due to the attention and it only serves to torment and bankrupt her for attempting such a gay thing.

I'm not sure what is a bigger waste of my (and your) time, reading that post or blogging this? Well, I lied. I do know. Blogging this.

It seems I'm not alone on this one.

ASCII NEMO anyone?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Wednesday's Desire or Really Nice Ass

This could be a huge commitment, but I'm willing to give it a try. Surfing the Internet, I probably find a dozen things each day that makes me laugh. I don't have time to blog all of it, so I decided to save the best and post them each Wednesday.

Now, I can already hear what you're saying. "But Steve, there are already tons of sites that do that each week. Isn't that redundant?" Of course it is, that's the point! I'd like to try to keep this blog original and not fill it up with links that I found on Fark, Boing-Boing, and other sites. That being said, I'd still like to share some of the best stuff with my friends.

So here's the format. The top 5-10 funniest/coolest/disturbing things of the week. (By the way, I am going to define Wednesday as 9 pm on Tuesday through 9 am on Thursday...I'm sure I can find a 1-2 sober hours in there each week). The title is in reference to a classic flash animation I found last year. Perhaps I'll role out a classic version next.

  1. 3-D chalk art (i-am-bored) - Wow. This guy manages to create amazing 3-D pictures on sidewalks using nothing but chalk. Words don't do it justice--you've got to check this out.
  2. Fighting Brothers (i-am-bored) - Something about watching these guys smack the crap out of each other had me rolling.
  3. Web Cam Effects (i-am-bored) - Nothing brings me more joy than the prospect of trying to pick up girls on my webcam while animated as a large rabbit.
  4. Johnny Rocketfingers (newgrounds) - You should probably find the original first before you pay this game, but I love the animation and the style. The game is relatively mindless (point and click), but it's fun to see the sense of humor and creativity embedded into the game. This one is long, so don't expect to finish it unless you've got some time set aside.
  5. Strangers with Candy (YouTube) - "They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods!" One of my all-time favorite TV shows. And guess what? They made a movie that's going be released in July! Watch this episode (20 minutes) and you'll see why. Plus, Stephen Colbert as her history teacher is hysterical.

Xandy Bar?

I can only assume that because I've started blogging, I'm now a member of the cutting edge of society. That must of been the reason the guy downtown last night offered me a xandy bar.

What's a xandy bar you ask? Good question. I first thought he was trying to invite me to go to a club with him, so of course, I responded "Huh? Where do you want me to go?" That's when he told me "no no no no," a xandy bar is something you eat when you are drinking. According to my new friend, you can drink all you want without getting drunk.

Now, for starters, that doesn't sound exciting. If I'm drinking that much, the drunk part is really the only payoff. If I'm trying to push some drugs on the street, I'm promising either a great high or that somehow you'll finally become charming to members of the opposite sex. Needless to say, I declined his offer.

Come to find out, xandy bar is slang for xanax. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not up on all the latest lingo, but a quick search of Google yielded only 1 website that had both xanax and xandy bar. Urban dictionary decribes it as xanax pills pushed into a candy bar, but I wonder if it might just be referring to xanax bars, the 2 mg dosage pills. Oh, and that whole not getting drunk thing that was part of the sales pitch? Yeah, let's try "multiplies the effect of alcohol" and "life threatening," according to Alprazolam.

From my standpoint, I really don't find the drug that interesting. What really excites me is that I may actually have crossed over into the category of "people who know things."

Gstdog, trend watcher and futurist, reporting.

Cosplay goes wrong....VERY wrong.

Always on the hunt for new blog content, I venture out looking for some interesting cosplay. After a few twists and turns through Google, I find a promising link. So I click away and see some streaming video loading up. Hey, this could be fun, right? Maybe I'll get to see someone reenact a video game or something.



Now, I've come to expect a little weirdness from cosplay sites, so I'm not too surprised by the set-up. She's got her mom's bed sheets pinned up to the ceiling next to the computer. You'd think with as much time these people spend on making their costumes look authentic, they could do a little bit more with the background scenery, but oh well. Oh look, there's a girl coming into view. Damn...I can't really make out her face. Not that it's too important, but if I'm going to watch some cosplay battle unfold on a web cam, she can at least be somewhat attractive, yes? Oooh, wait! She's standing up and coming over the the camera.



Uh oh....I'm getting a feeling that this more porn than cosplay. Yes, yes--I see them. You can stop shaking them in my face. Okay, that's enough of that; it's time to go back to Google. I guess this site wasn't what I expected. And yet, I haven't stopped watching. You know what? I'm starting to get a really weird vibe. Something about this feels wrong. Not in a having-sex-with-a-cousin kind of way, but more of a is-the-girl-I'm-having-sex-with-wearing-a-flesh-colored-body-suit kind of way.



Holy shit of holy potato! What the *$#*Y% is that?? Is this cosplay? What the hell is this? Is someone paying for this? I can only imagine who would sit and watch a costumed character (oh god...it's probably a guy underneath that mask) undress on a web cam. But you know something, she's...just...sitting there...staring at me. Just keeps staring. I think those are actually chills running down my spine. Am I going to get in trouble? Should I be watching this? Is she angry? What the hell is she waiting for? She's done nothing but watch me for 2 minutes! Maybe I should go. Wait! She's moving...



..and getting a cell phone!?! Oh hell, is she calling me? Abort! Abort! Alt-F4!


Okay, let's not panic. It's time to be realistic. Surely I'm not the only person logged on to her site viewing her webcam. And of course she doesn't have my phone number! How ridiculous of me. Let's go back and try to figure this out.



Oh God! It's like those damn creepy eyes are penetrating into the dark recesses of my soul.



...and she's waving at me, and she's doing that little finger thing, and....okay I'm done!

So there you go. There's no way you can appreciate my experience without seeing this for yourself. Here is the link (http://sabrina.jp/sabrinow2.htm), but I also recommend checking out the main site and viewing the archives. Me? I'm going to be in my closet huddled up in the fetal position for the next couple of hours.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Katamari Cosplay

And the cosplay beat goes on.

Katamari Damacy is (was?) so popular, it makes Jesus look like the Star Wars Kid. And it has spawned a next generation style cosplay subculture that sends Star Wars cosplay geeks to the back of the sandcrawler.

You can take my word for it, because of my incredibly convincing photo from a FoxNews article, or you can just check out this blog devoted entirely to the game and its creator - Keita Takahashi.