Thursday, December 14, 2006

Pink ATM Machines and PIN Numbers

Christmas is just around the corner, so I decided to check out the hot toys this season for our loyal readers. I stumbled across a stock of 15 TMX Elmo's, and you can read the previous article to see yojay's master plan to make a profit of $10 a box. Anyway, after deciding that an extra $50 wasn't worth my time, I went online to find another toy. The front page of is pushing robots and life-size ponies, but I had to dig a little deeper to find this gem:

Two things bother me about this ad. First, why are they using a hairy man-hands when this is obviously for a little girl? I guess this is setting expectations for dad. This toy will not inspire your daughter to go out and get a job, but rather, she will beg you to insert money into the machine for her.

The second problem is a little more subtle. Check out the print ad:

The Ultimate ATM machine - it's just like the real thing. The big screen welcomes you and will give you all of your up to date account information. This ATM is so advanced, it even knows your name.

A Pink ATM Machine. A Pink Automated Teller Machine Machine. I've always wanted a Pink ATMM.

Okay, so we've all been there. We've had that moment where you say something that is grammatically incorrect. In fact, I'm sure my gracious host yojay is scanning my post right now looking for my own mistakes (f*** you yojay). But as a society, we don't have a good measure of how fucked up one mistake is versus another. No fear America! Gstdog is here to solve the problem. Here is my patented Two-Dimensional Grammar Faux Pas Matrix (okay, maybe itsn't not patented yet, but I'm working on it....or not).


  • Dunce - Confusing 'effect' with 'affect'. No matter what you do, you're still wrong 90% of the time--it's unavoidable.
  • Simpleton - Confusing 'there' with 'their'. Small children will laugh at you, but at least you can still kick 'their' asses.
  • Dimwit - Any adverb mistake. A trusted professor once told me that an adverb is an admission of a poor vocabulary. Any adverb-adjective combination can be replaced by a better adjective (e.g., really bad = terrible, really big = huge).
  • Idiot - Using "it's" as a possesive. Your best bet is to blame this mistake on either a mild case of dyslexia or a typo. It's far better to admit a disability than being exposed for your true stupidity.
  • Mental Defective - Redundant word usage, or the RAS Syndrome. 'ATM Machines', 'PIN Numbers', and the 'reason why'.
  • Dumbass - Confusing the use of 'I' and 'me'. Why is this one so high on the list? Because yojay bugs the shit out of me about this one, and I guess I never learned in grade school that you can't use 'I' in a prepositional phrase. Goddamn, he pisses me off sometimes.


  • Second - Chatting online
  • Minute - Talking to yourself
  • Hour - Talking to your dog
  • Week - Talking to a friend
  • Year - Talking to a large group
  • Decade - Addressing a nation on TV
  • Lifetime - Written communication* (* If unpaid, probably just a month.)

So how does this work? If I misuse an adverb in this blog post, yojay will give me shit about being a dimwit for a month. If President Bush can't even construct a proper sentence on television, he'll be a dumbass for a decade (trust me, it wears off--nobody cares about Dan Quayle anymore). If you use redundant phrases in a national print ad for a toy, then you are a mental defective for the rest of your life.

How can a reputable company let something like this happen? Don't they pay someone to read this shit? Toys 'r' Us lists the manufacturer as Summit Products. Let's check them out: Trust me on this one--I clicked on commerical products and didn't find any Pink ATM Machines. Okay, maybe the 'I feel lucky' button on Google isn't the right choice for this search.

Ah, now we've got it--Summit Toys. And to confirm, this wasn't a Toys 'r' Us error--Summit lists all of their ATM Machines as such. A quick check around to see if any of them have PIN Numbers, but no luck. Wait! They have an ATMM? Do they recognize their own idiocy?'s just an Automated Teller Machine Mini Machine.

But, alas, the stupidity doesn't stop there. Our good friends over at are in their "ninth year of selling ATM machines." Good for them--nothing like nine years of uninterrupted stupidity.

Check out the Yojay Store. Like the blog? Buy the shirt!

ATM Machine

Posted by Gstdog to Listen up at 12/14/2006 09:57:00 PM

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

TMX Emo Auction breakdown

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I monitored this TMX Elmo Auction.

So, yesterday I came across an entire pallet of these things and thought "Aren't they hard to find?" My cohort agreed but we thought some research was in order. After noticing the secondary market value was about the same as retail, we concluded it would be a lot of work for little reward. However, it seems that in the last day, prices have starting creeping up as more and more auctions are ending and supply is dwindling. A quick check on eBay shows 4-5 auctions ending EVERY minute as of the time of this post. These auctions will dwindle over the next week, with the last second buyers growing increasingly desperate. Online businesses aren't helping much either when they have prices in $100 range or greater.

TMX Elmo bid timeline (final morning)

As you can see by the graph, there was minimal activity in my resprentative auction until the final 5 minutes, when the high bid increased 200%, from $15.00 to $45.00.

Click the picture above to see an animation of the final auction moments.

This clearly shows me that there is demand for these toys, and money to be made on the secondary market, especially when you factor in the inflated shipping charges some sellers have included.

Of course, some people are aiming higher than others, with BUY IT NOW prices of $300 for 2.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Mastering MERLIN

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I found MERLIN in my closet.

So I was looking for some wiring for my display lights in my storage bins and came across my MERLIN electronic toy from 1978. Parker Brothers made this cool handheld game and it was one of my favorite toys. I even still have the orginal box, although it's barely square anymore. I believe they have redesigned and re-released this classic game, along with some other great original handhelds of my childhood.

It has 6 game modes:
  • Tic-Tac-Toe
  • Music Machine
  • Echo
  • Blackjack 13
  • Magic Square
  • Mindbender

The last one, Mindbender, is an electronic version of the old code breaking game, Mastermind.

There's even been a Virtual MERLIN project that, despite website appearances, seems to be mostly completed.

So why do we care here? Because there's something to be said for mastering this game. It is a great exercise in efficient code breaking. Below are the results of my first recording of a 9 digit Mindbender game. It makes me wonder, what is the best way to solve these? Is there a secret? Any mathematicians out there have an equation to prove it can be done in says..10 steps everytime? Stay tuned...I may try to figure this out.

In the meantime:

UPDATE: I pulled another sample. After putzing around for 24 rounds, I buckled down and realized that I MUST have enough information by now. I did, but it took some digging to see it. I highlighted in pink the hits and in red the misses. Going back over the history like this, the code slowly revealed itself. It's like a really primitive version of Minesweeper. Now, to improve the process.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Cars Breakdown Part 1 of (many)

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I noticed these birds.

(This article is cross-posted at

Pixar's Cars came out on DVD last week. What a treat. Another Pixar hit, yada, yada, yada. We can read all the press releases all over the place. Let's get to the good stuff. Sure, you can probably read everything I'm about to write somewhere else by now too, but I've got a little something different in mind for the packaging.

Let's breakdown the inside jokes in this masterpiece, one at a time. Upcoming articles will showcase the cars and their backgrounds, as well as side by side comparisons to their real life counterparts/inspirations, but today we're going to start small.

Keep in mind, I have no sympathy for you if you haven't seen the flick yet. There will be spoilers for sure, so go buy it now and watch it. I'll wait . . . . . . . . . . . Pretty good, eh? Some crazy good talent was used on this film.

Yet, I digress. So we find Lightning McQueen on his way to California for the big race around the 17:44 mark in the film. Pause it. If you timed it right you should be looking at this:

If you are a Pixar fan and you have seen their animated shorts, this will look familiar.

These are the same pompous birds from the Academy Award winning short, For the Birds, part of which you can watch here.

Pixar does this a LOT, and we're going to track down as many as we can. They drop references to their past work in their current work, and it makes the films that much more fun to watch, over and over again.

Stay tuned. I'll be back with more detailed illustrations of the secrets of Pixar's Cars soon.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Steal this content and kill a kitten

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I wrote this article.

How long should writing an article take? I'm not getting paid by the hour, so I suppose my effort to reward ratio is my own problem. I'd like to construct a well written article to hold your interest in less than 5 minutes, but that probably won't be worth reading. And can I sit here writing about the blog and this self-referential post and get much further? Not really.

When it comes to web traffic, content is king. If you have something worth reading, seeing or downloading, surfers will come. Hell, if you just write about increasing web traffic or creating something worth seeing or downloading, they will come. At some point, web masters need to leave the revenue generation behind and just focus on some original content. Of course, the internet has been practically custom built for intellectual theft, so be prepared to see your hard work being delivered from another site, paying someone else's bills. If it's posted, then it can be duplicated and reposted somewhere else. Sure, that's technically illegal, but it's down right near impossible to police, unless you're Disney or Microsoft or some other conglomerate with a team of lawyers protecting your assets.

So what's the deal here, you wonder? Why am I still writing and why are you still reading? Short version, we're both waiting for something interesting to happen. Where's the wisdom in my post? Where's the hidden web gem idea that you can beg for/borrow or, hell, it's the internet, just plain steal? Is there inspiration here to quit your job and develop your own revenue stream, one that works 24/7, even when you're sleeping? That would be nice, for sure, but I haven't written that part yet.

What about "Doing What You Love And The Money Will Follow"? I've always wondered what else needs to be in a book with a title like that? Maybe "Charge money for this service or talent that you love" or "Start a business around your passion to generate revenue". That gets us to page one. Now what? There are 6 billion people in the world, 300 million in the U.S. now. Aside from the 10 other people in my department, no one else does what I do for money. Sure, there are similar jobs, and mine has provided some unique work opportunities that "owning a website" will never provide, but at what cost?

Working for yourself is probably very liberating and empowering, but unless you plan to get into the cruise ship business or the skyscraper business on your own, sometimes working for "the man" is the only way to gain access to the things you truly love (if you love building cruise ships or skyscrapers). Unrealistically you could argue, "I'll just found my own renowned architecture firm and do what I love". Go for it. Good for you. But for some it's much easier to join up with the establishment and hit the ground running on the details you love, not the details of the business. I don't know many architects who enjoy managing payrolls or employee health coverage.

The pitfall is that a newly founded business will always grow into an established business. Internet startups eventually need to hire MBA's. In the beginning, Microsoft was 2 guys in a garage, but do you think they have grown-up corporate problems now, with thousands of cubicle dwelling employees? You betcha. Easy answer - get out before the kitten becomes a cat. Are you the one who can start 'em up, but can't send 'em to college? When they get older, pass them off to your sister and start another one. Travel light, jumping from one idea to the next, spawning kittens everywhere you go, because, let's face it, kittens are pretty damn cute. Yet, kittens grow up to be cats.

Problem is, if we remember where we're coming from, we hate cats.

Now, hypocrisy has a new Even if you don't go global and your kitten stays cute, young and naive, like a Kansas girl at a Hollywood busstop, the cats will suppress their envy and either eat you up or buy you out.

Innocence is always lost, and those who lose it are on the prowl to take yours.

In the meantime, generate some original web content and drive traffic to your supplemental income website. But don't be discouraged when the only statcounter numbers you see are from your own publishing software. If you build it (and make it worth seeing/reading or downloading), they will eventually come.

To steal it.

Monday, November 13, 2006

F*cking Chuck Norris!

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this AWESOME picture.

And now my blog has come full circle.

Pictures made of pictures

For the record, I was not looking for anything when I discovered this photomosaic generator.

Making pictures out of pictures finally comes to the layman. Although you can't choose your own picture collection to use as building blocks, or even theme the pictures used in the mosaic, it's still pretty cool for the cost. I mean, who doesn't want to look at the Olsen twins in all their blurry glory?

Upload your own source picture and have some downloadable fun, like say, a giant lego sea serpent at Disney World.


Yesterday's Hawtness

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Britney - Noooooo...

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article. It was emailed to my Blackberry by CNN breaking News.

So Britney is back on the market. I don't want to dwell on this, but the CNN article linked me to this E! interview with K-Fed. I think the quote below sums it up:

Diaper Genie or Diaper Champ?
What's the difference? I don't know which one we have, all it says is ''Genie'' on top. You'd better believe it, if I've got a stinky diaper, I'm throwing it right in there.

I may only have a college degree, but I think an assumption can be made here.

He's a champion.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Lamborghini Gallardo HDR

Lamborghini Gallardo HDR, originally uploaded by Ozan™.

It is what it is. And it's pretty cool.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Yojay remains unimpressive.

Wow. You've managed to change the header from one disaster to another.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Yojay is lazy, uninspired, and other criticisms.

In case you were wondering, this is crap:

We are going to lose our Web Candle + Monkey designation unless you fix this. Frankly, I'm embarrassed to be associated with this blog.

Monday, October 30, 2006

It seems Office Depot is a great place to work

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article. Okay, maybe I was, a little bit, but not really. I was having a little fun with the search at Free sex has been determined as one of the most popular search terms on the 'net according to Google Trends, so I thought I'd give it a spin in another database. The really sad part is that I'm not even looking for a new job. However, it may pay to check out Office Depot after results like this:

We've found 28 Free Sex jobs in the Orlando area!

Below is a sample of the free sex job postings available near orlando, from all over the Internet!

Consultant, Service, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Store Support Manager - M2, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Customer Service Speclist CSS, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Product Solutions Manager, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Store Manager, Office Depot, Orlando, FL

To view all of the great free sex job opportunities available near orlando, complete your JobsOnline resume below.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Classic Walt Disney World Commercial (1971)

Whoa. This is creepy. I try not to throw that word around two much (okay, maybe every third article I write), but I cannot imagine that the world has changed that much in 35 years. Can you imagine some marketing executives dreaming up this TV spot and saying "this will really pull at the heart strings and create a call to action." More like "this will terrify children and and confuse adults who don't know what the Magic Kindom is."

AI Chat Bot -- jabberwacky

I love the concept of this AI chat bot. My favorite part is how "real" AI experts scoff at the idea of a chat bot that doesn't really think. Jabberwacky's success comes from building a massive database of responses and selecting the best one based on history. You know what? The website's description is much better:

It stores everything everyone has ever said, and finds the most appropriate thing to say using contextual pattern matching techniques. In speaking to you it uses only learnt material. With no hard-coded rules, it relies entirely on the principles of feedback. This is very different to the majority of chatbots, which are rule-bound and finite.

If you speak in a foreign language it will learn it, and respond appropriately if it has enough to go on. It can be taught slang English, word games, jokes and any other form of identifiable language trait.

Jabberwacky is NOT meant to learn logical statements, nor to perform mathematical tasks, to find web pages - or do anything 'useful'! Its role is simply to chat.

Intersting huh? Even better is jabberwacky learning that he doesn't actually exist:
jabberwacky: Interesting.
user: No.
jabberwacky: Well then tell me something interesting.
user: Ok, you do not think, therefore you are not.
jabberwacky: If I'm not, then who are you talking to?
user: Myself.
jabberwacky: And who would that be?
user: Me.
jabberwacky: Are you saying that you are the key to my reality?
user: Yes.

Wow. That's deep. Oh, and in case you were wonder, according to wikipedia, "Jabberwocky is ... generally considered to be one of the greatest nonsense poems written in the English language." That's crap. Everyone knows the best is Morgenstern's Das Nasob?m.

ABC News is Most Unbiased Source

Students at the University of Chicago conducted a study to determine the bias of media outlets. Not surprisingly, Fox News leans to the right, and the NY Times leans to the left. Wow. We needed a study to tell us that?

All kidding aside, I was surprised to see how centrist that ABC News is (and even the Drudgereport to some degree). The study does validate the most news outlets do lean to the left, although some more than others.

Required Reading for Anyone with a Business Idea

Anyone who has ever thought about trying to take an idea and turn it into a business should read this article. Phil Vischer gives an amazing account of the rise and fall of Veggie Tales in this 11-part series on his website ( Yes, it's 11 pages, but trust me--you'll be enlighted.

I learned more reading this article than in most of my MBA classes.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

What you need to believe to be a Republican today...

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this e-mail in my inbox.

  • Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.
  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,and a bad guy when Dubbya needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
  • The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  • A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
  • Keep condoms out of every drug store within walking distance of a schools. Then adolescents won't have sex.
  • A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing Health care to all Americans is socialism.
  • HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
  • Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  • A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring theInternet.
  • The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  • What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, But what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Ahhh..the Onion..enjoy.

George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

The Onion

George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

NEW YORK—Immediately following the Yankees' first-round playoff elimination last Saturday, George Steinbrenner released a statement announcing his intention to fire the Detroit Tigers, whose "inexcusable postseason performance stunned and...

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Birdman of Oz-catraz

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered what happens "If you put four dwarfs in a room with enough opium and alcohol...'s bound to end in tears."

So it seems that the munchkins in Oz:

were reputed to have indulged in "sex orgies, drunken behaviour and general dwarf debauchery" - rumours that Garland herself later propagated.

So much so that Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) has even included it in his new play Babylon Heights. But did one of them commit suicide on film?


See, that was easy. All settled by countless websites and blogs. Mostly though, it's settled by this video below.

An explanation here.
And a little more explanation if you feel it necessary.

The rumors of munchkin orgies got me searching. I suppose you could say that - For the record, I was looking for porn, munchkin porn, when I discovered the video below.

Love live GMR.

You ever drop your pen?

These guys don't. Learn how here.

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered these pens.

Have no fear, the YouTube trolling will continue.

I need a vacation

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this wave.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

South America is more than one country?

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this game.

If you thought the Middle East geography test was hard...this map should be all green.

Tom Wilson is a funny guy

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this video. I actually found it thanks to Dane Cook.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

The PI Song

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered PI.

Thursday, September 28, 2006


For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this unseen films website.

I watched 2 films here and found both to be fascinating. The first is called The Last Days of Jonathan Perlo and is fairly sad. I thought it might not keep my interest but I felt compelled to watch the entire thing. I'm glad I did.

The second was a short film with some surpisingly engaging animation and a fast moving story. The song is catchy too.

Click the picture to launch a Quicktime window.

If the rest of the films can keep up with these two, I will burn through them all by the weekend.


Things that are nice.

Giant insect attacks Germany?

Giant Bug! Help? - Google Maps

Monday, September 25, 2006

You will suck at this

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this test.

White & Nerdy

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this video.

All I can say is that Weird Al nails this one.

I want a Trivial Pursuit game like this:

G - In what city is the largest ball of twine built by one man?
E - What's the deal with Lindsay Lohan? I mean, seriously?
H - F.D.R. - was he faking it?
AL - On what page does Harry Potter die in the next book?
SN - What is the melting point of a gorilla's head?
?? - How many Wicket Men are there on a 43-Man Squamish team?

(The last answer is 5)

White & Nerdy Survey
Find out how nerdy you really are here.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Take that Rich Uncle Pennybags!

I guess that's what happens if you...I'm not really sure.

Thursday, September 21, 2006


For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this ridiculous beverage.

...Cocaine is "350 percent stronger than Red Bull" but that people do not
experience the "sugar crash" or jitters that he says some of the other energy
drinks can produce.

Tell me again why Disney didn't invent this?

Oh yeah, Disney doesn't invent anything anymore. They just buy everyone else's ideas.

Uh, tell me again why Disney hasn't bought this idea yet? Well if they want to, it's called Booster Bike and it is located in Sevenum, Netherlands at an amusement park called Toverland.

How's your Dutch? Apparently, "Toveren" means "wizardy" or "magic". It seems that Toverland means "Magicland".

Beer Cannon Montage

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this movie. Let's spend a little time with YouTube, shall we?.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The EX!

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this knife block. I actually found a picture of this in Flickr and looked up 'red knife guy holder' on google.

Death and Taxes

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this cool graph.

What does the government do with your money?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Ethics of Overdraft Fees?

Wikipedia has an interesting discussion on banks and the potentially unethical practice of overdraft fees.

Bank policy greatly affects the bank's ability to charge overdraft fees. Some banks alter the order in which transactions are applied during the day to maximize overdraft fees. For instance, if there is $100 available and withdrawals in the amounts of $1, $5, $7, $10, and $105 are all posted in the same batch, many banks will post the larger withdrawals first, causing 5 overdraft fees. In contrast, if these withdrawals are applied in the order above, only the last withdrawal will overdraft, and only one fee will be assessed.

My guess is that whoever wrote this article is probably an idiot and has had to pay overdraft fees recently.

Monday, September 11, 2006

More Political Children's Books

Here is one of the pages from Why Mommy is a Democrat:

Wow. Glad to see the Democrats have really embraced socialism. Okay, maybe I've added my social commentary, but the original is not much worse. My favorite is the two rich Republicans walking by the homeless man in the background. Anyone who owns a poodle or smokes a cigar has clearly benefited from an undeserved tax cut.

I'm surprised they don't have a page where Republicans are literally peeing on a minority with some squirrels talking about the flaws of "trickle down" economics.

Oh joy! Look for the next book due out by Christmas:

Grrrr! I f***ing HATE blind ideology!

Propaganda Panda says...

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this children's book, although I might as well have been.

Even more for the record, are you kidding me? Then again, I suppose it's never too early to start molding the minds of the future.

"My sisters and I are using them this Christmas for stocking stuffers..." Beth Shepherd

Beth, please tell me I am not on your Christmas list.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

So, what did you do last weekend?

If those sharks in the previous post had laser beams on their heads, that would have been much cooler.

So, keeping with the theme of life changing events in the lives of our editors, I think I had one that qualifies last weekend. Gstdog and I travelled to Atlanta to fulfill our annual obligation to participate in a Fantasy Football draft. Half of the League lives in Orlando, and last year the Atlanta guys came down, so it was our turn to reciprocate.

That was not the life changing event. The picture below is the point of the story:

What you see here is a digital snapshot of my daughter's nursery. A little light on the decor, you might say. A little light on the crib, toys, clothes and furniture, you might also say.

And you'd be right. When I left for Atlanta on Friday, it was full of everything listed above, including an adorable 14-month old baby girl, every night since we moved here in November of 2005. So where is everything, you ask? Good question.

Apparently, mom wasn't happy, so she left. She left while dad was out of town and she decided that my daughter should leave as well. She also took everything she owns, as well as almost everything that anyone had given our daughter. She took the food from the kitchen that she had brought into the house. She took the lawn mower her dad had found at a garage sale for $5. She took her dishes, pots, pans, silverware and furniture. She even cleaned out her part of the junk drawer.

In short, I am suddenly a 36-year old, single father living alone in a 2900 sq. ft house.

My life has changed.

Oh, and I'm getting a lawyer on Tuesday.

Friday, September 01, 2006

The Strike of a Great White Shark

From, but this deserves a repost. Actually, I have nothing to really add because commentary can't really do this video justice...

Great White Shark Wow sharks are scary.

Okay, I lied. I do have some commentary. Given that I get 95% of my great white shark information from the movie Jaws, I think that Steven Spielberg has done America a great disservice. The shark in that movie looks like a pussy compared to the real thing. Can you imagine a slow motion shot of the shark exploding out of the surface of the water with a swimmer in its mouth, hanging in the air, and the plunging back down? That would have been unbelievable. Instead, we get treated to some mysterious shark fins and red water. Big deal.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Gstdog on the Range

Nothing demands politeness and courtesy like a room full of guns. My friend John took me to the gun range last week, and we had some fun with a 9mm handgun and a .22 rifle. What struck me as fascinating was how incredible polite, courteous, and down right *slow* everyone acts--the store owners, customers, everybody. Nobody makes any fast movements, everybody thinks 2-3 seconds before they say anything. A guy brought in a gun he had bought at a gun show. The owner let him know that the sighting on it wasn't worth much and he was probably ripped off. The customer just paused, collected his thoughts, and then shrugged his shoulders and said "Oh....well, can you help me pick out a new one?" Any other situation, and this guy would have probably at least been pissed enough to grimace.

Anyway, enough about gun store culture and more about the guns. First up was the Jericho, a 9mm handgun produced by the Israeli Military Industries. Let me say-wow! I fired my fair share of air guns and paintball guns in the past, but nothing prepares your for the kick of a real weapon like that. Of course, John laughingly explained that the recoil on the Jericho was light and I was a pussy just for saying something about it. A 9mm handgun is pretty small compared to a .45 caliber gun, but I'll save that for another day. My first several shots were missing to the right, which meant I wasn't squeezing the trigger smoothly. I loaded in another clip, made a few adjustments, and fired. Much better the second time. I'm not going to win any sharpshooting contests, but I can definitely hit a man in the chest at 10-20 feet (which from what I understand, is all you really need to be able to do since that's the range of any defensive gun fire in your own home).

Second up was a .22 rifle. Now that was fun. This brought me back to the days of sharpshooting in Counter Strike or Grand Theft Auto. There was zero recoil, and with the scope, I could easily put a cluster of shots in a tight range at 50 feet. I'd love to try my hand at 200 feet, but I'll have to find an outdoor range for that one. Anyway, loading the rifle is incredibly easy. The bullets just slide in the side of the rifle, and the you can fire off ten shots. Everytime I squared up to fire, a smile crept onto my face--it's just too damn fun to shoot.

This is the exact opposite feeling I had with the 9mm handgun. Everytime I picked it up, I could just feel the "death" coming off it. Now that probably sounds extreme, but I was nervous every time I fired. Heart rate up, triple checking everything, and then complete focus and no fooling around.

Of course this got me intrigued about stopping power. What's the right gun to own when it comes to defending your home? Check out this article written by the FBI on the mechanics of handgun wounding. Apparently, shooting the head is the only way to take a man down, regardless of the caliber of the gun. Something about reading a phrase like "the human target can be reliably incapacitated only by disrupting or destroying the brain." Uhh....Shaun of the Dead anyone?

So what does all this mean? For starters, I feel a hell of a lot more comfortable around guns. I can quickly check a gun to see if it's loaded and remove the magazine and any spare rounds. As far as owning a gun, the jury is still out. With kids in the house, a handgun seems so dangerous--they're designed to go off with just the slightly tensing of a finger, and that's a recipe for disaster. Maybe one day, after I get some more training on gun safety. In the mean time, gstdog will be reading up on Smith and Wesson's Tips for Firing so he can shoot the radio out of the terrorist's hand before he has a chance to call for back-up (...nothing like aiming for the hand and hitting his leg--yeah, like I said, I got better).

You're a marked man Jack, I mean Ken Denman

[For the record, I'm tired of our inside joke about porn, so I refuse to reference that at the beginning of this post--wait, crap, I just did--DAMNIT. Last time, I swear.]

When Roy Disney decided to go after Eisner and the Disney board a few years ago, I was thrilled. For starters, as a Disney stockholder, I was glad that someone with some authority was challenging the recent decisions of Eisner. Come on--$5 BILLION for Fox Family Channel??? Anyway, I was also excited because I loved the intrigue of boardroom politics. Of course, the media painted Disney as a savior of the company's heritage and values, and I bought into it hook line and sinker.

So what's the relevance? Turns out ol' Roy is less a savior and more a pirate. He and his holding company, The East India Trading Company...wait, no....Shamrock Activist Value Fund has a new investment strategy. Find a company that has great potential and a weak leader, buy enough shares to get a seat at the table, and then use your clout to oust the CEO. Ken Denman, CEO of iPass, has this to say:

"They've made it clear that they shot Eisner ... and that they can dance on my grave anytime they want."

Nice. The author of the article said it best: "Stay tuned. Maybe Roy Disney and Gold are true reformers. Maybe they do have a better plan than Denman for iPass. Or maybe they took too many trips on that ride, Pirates of the Caribbean."

[Update: regardless of what yojay may have told you in his mini blog, gstdog is alive and well. And yes, I am working on an incredibly mind-blowing post that is worthy of being described as the greatest of all time. But it will have to wait another week or two. In the meantime, please enjoy the return of my normal quality articles, which tend to be more relevant and entertaining then posts about video games and comic strips.]

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Best way to upgrade?

...break your current PC.

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

I have been looking for a new motherboard, since mine got fried last night while I was installing my new video card. Bad news is that my new video card was an AGP 8X to go with my motherboard. Now that I need a new mobo I am kind of stuck getting an AGP8x one instead of upgrading to PCI-Express, unless I want to sell my new videocard and buy an even more expensive one, PCI-E flavor.

I guess it will save me money in the long run. In the meantime, here is a pretty good link explaining just what, exactly, is going on inside your PC.

I'm using this post as a bookmark so I can find this again, since I am posting this from Paulie's PC across town.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

You make one movie...

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this DVD on my desk.

Move over 'The Hoff'. There's a new cool in school. You may be big in Europe, but you got nothin' on my Central Florida office building. My normal routine got a little more normal today, when I walked into my cubicle to find this:

As a man of the people, I have always felt it to be a duty to make myself accessible to my public, my fans. Keeping with my generous philosophy, I embraced this opportunity to warm a dear fan's heart and delivered the greeting you see below.


Holy f*ck of holy potato! Someone asked for my autograph! Are you kidding me?!! This is better than blogging the internets!1!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

New tattoo...

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this photo.

So, I was thinking about getting a tattoo. I looked around and finally found one I liked. Unfortunately, the only example I could find was already tattooed on this guy. The swastika is nice but I can't quite make out what it says over his right eye.

Also, it looks like he was in a fight. I wonder why? I guess 'church dispute'.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Subway turnstiles generating electricity?

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

This idea is so cool, I don't really want to waste time giving it a half-assed introduction like I usually do. It doesn't even look like Japan is using traditional turnstiles, but mats on the floor that sense vibration. Why not make the entire floor of Grand Central Station out of that stuff? Or plant the technology on major roadways to power remote road lighting? What, do I have to come up with all the cool applications for a technology I don't really understand? Well, maybe you should read the article before I go on, so you know what the hell I'm talking about.

The ticket gate electricity generation system relies on a series of piezo elements embedded in the floor under the ticket gates, which generate electricity from the pressure and vibration they receive as people step on them. When combined with high-efficiency storage systems, the ticket gate generators can serve as a clean source of supplementary power for the train stations. Busy train stations (and those with large numbers of passengers willing to bounce heavily through the gates) will be able to accumulate a relatively large amount of electricity.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Best page in the Universe?

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this guy's blog.

Sometimes, a paragraph contains something good. Sometimes that paragraph is buried on a page on a site that you will never find on your own. That is what blockquotes are for. Sometimes context is needed for the good thing to be truly appreciated. I have no time for context, except to say that maddox (the author) doesn't like people with stupid ideas.

These are the same types of people who drop names in conversations without properly introducing the new characters first, so you'll be sitting at your desk waiting for your boss to leave so you can go home early, when suddenly a co-worker will drop by and just start talking about Jack or John or Dwayne, and you're wondering who the hell still names their kid "Dwayne," and when the exact moment was that you decided your life was for sale at an hourly rate of $16.75, give or take a shitty office party every year and a box of stale donuts in the morning, only to go home to a dumpy apartment in some shit hole state that people more successful than you glance at out of their window as they pass over in a private jet on their way home to bang their hot trophy wives.


...will not be topped today,but this game will drive you nuts, especially when you realize that you will never beat my score. It's called Chain Reaction.

Good luck, suckers.


Oh...and for the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this game.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Half-Life 2 Citadel - version 0.1

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

This thing reminds me of the Half-Life 2 combine/Citadel. I'm not sure what it is or if it deserves a blog posting, but it seems that a crapload of work went into it by an old German guy, so I can give it 15 minutes.

He makes skeletons which are able to walk on the wind. Eventualy (sic) he wants to put these animals out in herds on the beaches, so they will live their own lives.

You can barely tell here, but the black wall moves a little bit like this thing in the video. I spent quite some time looking for a video on Google and YouTube of the Citadel in action, then I realized I needed to get on with my life.