Thursday, December 14, 2006

Pink ATM Machines and PIN Numbers

Christmas is just around the corner, so I decided to check out the hot toys this season for our loyal readers. I stumbled across a stock of 15 TMX Elmo's, and you can read the previous article to see yojay's master plan to make a profit of $10 a box. Anyway, after deciding that an extra $50 wasn't worth my time, I went online to find another toy. The front page of is pushing robots and life-size ponies, but I had to dig a little deeper to find this gem:

Two things bother me about this ad. First, why are they using a hairy man-hands when this is obviously for a little girl? I guess this is setting expectations for dad. This toy will not inspire your daughter to go out and get a job, but rather, she will beg you to insert money into the machine for her.

The second problem is a little more subtle. Check out the print ad:

The Ultimate ATM machine - it's just like the real thing. The big screen welcomes you and will give you all of your up to date account information. This ATM is so advanced, it even knows your name.

A Pink ATM Machine. A Pink Automated Teller Machine Machine. I've always wanted a Pink ATMM.

Okay, so we've all been there. We've had that moment where you say something that is grammatically incorrect. In fact, I'm sure my gracious host yojay is scanning my post right now looking for my own mistakes (f*** you yojay). But as a society, we don't have a good measure of how fucked up one mistake is versus another. No fear America! Gstdog is here to solve the problem. Here is my patented Two-Dimensional Grammar Faux Pas Matrix (okay, maybe itsn't not patented yet, but I'm working on it....or not).


  • Dunce - Confusing 'effect' with 'affect'. No matter what you do, you're still wrong 90% of the time--it's unavoidable.
  • Simpleton - Confusing 'there' with 'their'. Small children will laugh at you, but at least you can still kick 'their' asses.
  • Dimwit - Any adverb mistake. A trusted professor once told me that an adverb is an admission of a poor vocabulary. Any adverb-adjective combination can be replaced by a better adjective (e.g., really bad = terrible, really big = huge).
  • Idiot - Using "it's" as a possesive. Your best bet is to blame this mistake on either a mild case of dyslexia or a typo. It's far better to admit a disability than being exposed for your true stupidity.
  • Mental Defective - Redundant word usage, or the RAS Syndrome. 'ATM Machines', 'PIN Numbers', and the 'reason why'.
  • Dumbass - Confusing the use of 'I' and 'me'. Why is this one so high on the list? Because yojay bugs the shit out of me about this one, and I guess I never learned in grade school that you can't use 'I' in a prepositional phrase. Goddamn, he pisses me off sometimes.


  • Second - Chatting online
  • Minute - Talking to yourself
  • Hour - Talking to your dog
  • Week - Talking to a friend
  • Year - Talking to a large group
  • Decade - Addressing a nation on TV
  • Lifetime - Written communication* (* If unpaid, probably just a month.)

So how does this work? If I misuse an adverb in this blog post, yojay will give me shit about being a dimwit for a month. If President Bush can't even construct a proper sentence on television, he'll be a dumbass for a decade (trust me, it wears off--nobody cares about Dan Quayle anymore). If you use redundant phrases in a national print ad for a toy, then you are a mental defective for the rest of your life.

How can a reputable company let something like this happen? Don't they pay someone to read this shit? Toys 'r' Us lists the manufacturer as Summit Products. Let's check them out: Trust me on this one--I clicked on commerical products and didn't find any Pink ATM Machines. Okay, maybe the 'I feel lucky' button on Google isn't the right choice for this search.

Ah, now we've got it--Summit Toys. And to confirm, this wasn't a Toys 'r' Us error--Summit lists all of their ATM Machines as such. A quick check around to see if any of them have PIN Numbers, but no luck. Wait! They have an ATMM? Do they recognize their own idiocy?'s just an Automated Teller Machine Mini Machine.

But, alas, the stupidity doesn't stop there. Our good friends over at are in their "ninth year of selling ATM machines." Good for them--nothing like nine years of uninterrupted stupidity.

Check out the Yojay Store. Like the blog? Buy the shirt!

ATM Machine

Posted by Gstdog to Listen up at 12/14/2006 09:57:00 PM


Yojay said...

A little irony. Here's a recent snapshot of the adsense sidebar. The internet suffers from RAS Syndrome.

ATM Machine said...

ATMs are a common part of everyone's life now days. So I think it's good teach ATM procedures to our kids.