Saturday, June 03, 2006

All-Suck Batman & Robin

Here's a brilliantly written rip on the new Batman book by veteran writer Frank Miller and superstar artist Jim Lee. It's been a while since I've read a Batman comic, and I'd hate to jump on a bandwagon here, but this article is pretty compelling and very comprehensive. I'm going to make a leap of faith and agree that HOLY FUCK OF HOLY POTATO, what a disaster...

Then we cut back to Batman and Robin, sitting in the Batmobile, talking. We're going to see a lot of this, because it takes them the next two goddamned issues to actually make it TO the Batcave, which is apparently somewhere in northern Canada, given the amount of driving they have to do. Batman then tells Dick to sleep tight and calls him his "ward", behind a lecherous grin, which confuses Dick because nobody talks like that anymore.

But let's think about three important words here. "Fifteen hours ago". That means one of two things. Clark Kent either drank this carton of milk fifteen hours before Dick Grayson was kidnapped by Batman, and thus it is a magical prescient carton of milk, OR it's actually been a long enough ride in the Batmobile for Dick to have been reported missing, for his name to get to the missing persons groups, for them to submit his information to the milk company, for the milk company to print the cartons, distribute the cartons, and then for Clark Kent to go to the grocery store and buy the carton of milk. Let's see, by my rough estimate, that means that Batman and Dick have been on the way to the Batcave for, oh, about FIVE FUCKING WEEKS now.

1 comment:

Gstdog said...

It's at this moment, running across the moonlit ocean hefting an
automobile over his head, that Superman realizes he's a fucking idiot.