59 Things a Man Should Never Do Past 30

From Esquire Magazine -

Coin his own nickname.
Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.
Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.
Hacky sack.
Name his penis his name plus junior.
Hang art with tape.
Hang The Scream, unless he stole it from the Munch museum in Oslo.
Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?"
Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ass?"
Skip.
Take a camera to a nude beach.
Let his father do his taxes.
Tap on the glass.
Shout out a response to "Are you ready to rock?"
Use the word collated on his résumé.
Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.
Name pets after Middle Earth characters.
Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.
Give shout-outs.
Use numbers in place of words or locations, such as "the 411" for information, or "the 313" for Detroit.
Hug amusement-park characters.
Wear Disney-themed neckties.
Wake up to a morning zoo.
Compare the trajectory of his life with those of the characters in Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant."
Request extra sprinkles.
Air drum.
Choose 69 as his jersey number.
Eat Oreo cookies in stages.
Volunteer to be a magician's assistant.
Sleep on a bare mattress.
End a conversation with "later skater."
Hold his lighter up at a concert.
Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?"
Wear Converse All Stars with a tuxedo.
Propose via stadium Jumbotron.
Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.
Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.
Dispute someone else's call of "shotgun."
Whine.
Mist up during Aerosmith's "Dream On."
Purchase fireworks.
Google the word vagina.
Ride a pony
Sport an ironic mustache
Hit 13 against a 6.
Organize a party bus.
Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash.
Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write, "Wish you were here" on it.
Keg stands.
Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.
The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.
Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank.
Keep a minuscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden.
Read The Fountainhead.
Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at a planetarium.
Refer to his girlfriend's breasts as "the twins."
Refer to his girlfriend's breast as "the twins."
Whippits.
Say goodbye to anyone by tapping his chest and even so much as whispering, "Peace out."

Ultima 3 t-shirt - Good stuff

This is a cool shirt. The opening credits from the classic adventure game, Ultima 3. I spent far too many hours in the 80's battling this game.

"These Guys are Doomed"

I've been on vacation

'Family Guy's' Stewie Hosting Web Talk Show

LAS VEGAS (Hollywood Reporter) – Heeeeere's Stewie! The tyrannical tyke in the Fox animated series "Family Guy" will be the virtual host of a talk show being developed strictly for the Internet later this year. Stewie's show will be based on familyguy.com and other News Corp.-owned Web properties catering to the young demographics that have embraced the Fox series. Fox Interactive Media president Ross Levinsohn said that the idea for the show has been embraced on Madison Avenue by potential advertis-ers. He does not expect the program to cannibalize viewing for the Fox series or other "Family" brand extensions like DVD. Stewie wouldn't be the first animated character to get his own talk show; that distinc-tion belongs to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast," which aired on Cartoon Network.

I played 56 games of Yahtzee on a plane

These are the results. I'm too lazy to fix the HTML formatting of my Excel export.

Score Yahtzees Bonus
229 0 0
206 0 0
361 2 0
263 1 0
147 0 0
220 0 0
179 0 0
216 0 0
367 2 0
254 0 0
205 1 0
229 0 0
248 0 1
341 2 0
192 0 0
355 0 0
141 0 0
213 0 0
191 0 0
251 0 1
194 0 0
201 0 1
249 1 1
181 1 0
239 0 1
274 1 0
209 0 0
269 1 1
170 1 0
200 0 0
402 2 1
383 2 1
273 0 1
257 1 0
205 1 0
258 1 0
136 0 0
254 1 0
298 1 1
151 0 0
213 0 1
156 0 0
314 1 1
241 1 0
216 0 0
260 0 1
380 2 1
256 0 1
261 1 0
213 0 0
241 1 0
193 0 0
251 1 0
216 0 1
241.15 0.54 0.30
241.1481
Yahtzee avg 279.3478 Bonus avg 278.25
Yahtzee and bonus avg 327.8571

This just in: Electro! has uninspired alter-ego name

Maxwell Dillon is such a short-sighted name. My electric supervillain's alter-ego will be a much more appropriate "Faraday Cage"

ABC's Reasons for Axing "Emily"

(E! OnLine) – ABC has its reasons why not to continue production on Heather Graham's new sitcom. Despite the network's massive promotional effort behind Emily's Reasons Why Not, just 6.2 million viewers tuned in for the Jan. 9 debut of the female-friendly series. Based on its audience's apparent lack of interest in Emily, the Alphabet net elected to preempt the second episode of the sitcom with a rerun of the season premiere of The Bachelor Monday night. Though Graham and friends were slated to return to the lineup next Monday, the network shut down production on the show Friday, following the taping of the sixth episode and a decision by ABC to reduce its original order. Depending on how the Parisian exploits of this season's Bachelor fare with viewers, there's a good chance ABC may decide to pull the plug on Emily for good. "It is a shame," Gavin Polone, the show's executive producer, told Daily Variety. "A lot of people were working really hard and the show kept improving. Sony spent a huge amount of money and were very supportive. I can't fault ABC, though: they promoted it like crazy and when the audience stays away, in this supercompetitive environment, quick decisions are made. That's the television business."

It's funny, but Heather Graham's appearance on Letterman a few weeks ago was so horrible I thought Dave was going to retire when it was over. He was clearly bored out of his mind, and Heather's idea of what made an interesting late night anecdote was like listening to a third grader talk about a mud pie he made earlier that day. Bottom line, this move doesn't surpriseme at all, and I didn't even know when the show was airing (er..aired..one time..ever).

Kickass history posters

"Welcome to HistoryShots. We create history-related informational graphics that tell stories about subjects, time periods and events. Our purpose is to inform and entertain you with intense content embedded in an elegant design.
"

This is a very cool site.

HumorFeed Picks Top Ten Satire News Stories of 2005

Press release: January 17, 2005
With 2005 fading fast in the rear view mirror, many publications have taken stock of the year by tallying the top ten movies, books, or style trends. Thanks to HumorFeed.com's first annual Satire News Competition, the world can now add a list of "top ten internet satire news articles" to that roster, and by month's end will have a "top three" as well.
HumorFeed is a selective, cooperative association of satire news and parody websites formed in 2003. As of today it consists of nearly sixty member sites from the US, UK, and Canada. Over the past two weeks, its members have been working to nominate the top ten stories from over 3,500 headlines listed on HumorFeed during 2005.
"HumorFeed's a unique group because of the involvement of its members," said E.F. Watley, administrator of the site. "People really gave this process a great deal of consideration and I think the result is a list of terrific stories."
The best ten stories, according to HumorFeed, are as follows (in alphabetical order, by website):

• Avant News: President Bush Paints Self Into Corner
• BBspot: Microsoft's Antispyware Tool Removes Internet Explorer
• Brainsnap:Christian Fundamentalists Suspected of Terrorist Bombings
• BSNews: President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French
• Confusion Road: Terri Schiavo Dies; Congress Orders Feeding Tube Reinserted
• Department of Social Scrutiny: Government Responds to Charles and Camilla's Wedding with ID Card Follow-up
• The Fake News: One Hot White Chick Injured in Tsunami Disaster
• John Fanzine: Scientists Discover Most Boring Substance Ever
• Opinions You Should Have: Existence of Poor People A Surprise, Says Bush
• Studio 8 Entertainment: Popeless World Plunges Into Chaos

In the final stage of the competition, a panel of five independent judges will select the top three stories from these ten finalists. The judges bring to bear an unprecedented collection of expertise in both journalism and satire; they include senior writer John Markoff from the New York Times, correspondent Eric Weiner from National Public Radio, and Robert Zelnick, chairman of the Journalism department at Boston University. Balancing out the serious side of the panel are Andrew Marlatt, former webmaster of the legendary SatireWire.com and nationally syndicated humor columnist Madeleine Kane.
"We wanted perspective from the "legitimate" journalism community as well as from qualified experts in humor," said Watley. "HumorFeed's hallmark is the quality of its membership; we wanted a competition which could provide a uniquely professional judging process."
The top three winners will be announced on February 1. '

For more information contact E.F. Watley, editor@watleyreview.com

Excuses software

excuse, originally uploaded by yojayy.

Mostly non-sensical, but I got this one on my third try.

Emo

Urban dicitonary keeps me hip like the kids these days. This example made me laugh.

2. Emo link send redefine 2838 up, 705 down

Punk music on estrogen. Often acoustic guitar with soft, high male vocals that dwell exessively on the singer's feelings, especially melancholy remembrances of past relationships/mistakes in life. A form of music that diverged from punk in the '80s, the name "emo" is derived from the emotive style of the lyrics and music. This genre has lately been marketed heavily by the music industry to teenagers with bands such as Dashboard Confessional and Taking Back Sunday, and has seen much commercial and mainstream success. The music has also spawned a subculture which conforms to certain conventions in dress such as tight sweatshirts, tight band T-shirts and horn-rim glasses. Adherents profess to exessively melancholy temperments. Males that adhere to the emo subculture are sometimes confused with metrosexuals; indeed the line between the two is somwhat blurred, though both groups claim to be intouch with their emotional side. The ephemeral and hackneyed nature of emo songwriting suggests that its audience will be restricted largely to teenagers. the genre suffers from a lack of credibility outside the aforementioned demographic group, much like current Nu Metal bands.

girlfriend: C'mon, lets have sex.
boyfriend: I'm too sad to have sex.
girlfriend: I'm sad too; lets have sex and cry.
boyfriend: I'm already crying.

Source: Pureblarney, Jul 30, 2004

Chupcabra at Cryptomundo

Has the mysterious Chupacabras returned to Entre Rios?

The strange deaths of deer in a hunting preserve in the department of Uruguay has become a source of concern to local residents. These are female specimens that turned up mutilated and whose gentalia and reproductive organs were removed.

During recent days at the La Medalla Milagrosa ranch, located some 50 km from Concepción del Uruguay, near the banks of the Uruguay River, the events became a source of great concern among locals and left authorities mystified.

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Train derailment

View from the air 1, originally uploaded by Lampy.

D'oh.

railway to heaven ;)

railway to heaven ;), originally uploaded by Michael_CH.

From Flickr.

GeekStuff4U.com - Sushi Memory Disk Otoro

$228.98!!!!!!!!! for 1GB. I think it comes with its own sushi chef at that price.

You know what else I need?

I need some slick web software that will allow me to post a lengthy survey and record the results in a database to be fed back to the website immediately, perhaps in a ticker tape style, so users can see how they rank with other users in the questionnaire. I'd also like to be able to offer iron designs of the persons rank, along with a rating system.

Headphones for microphones?

You know what I need? A muffler for my microphone. I have headphones, which make it possible to play games, listen to music, etc.. at any desired volume without bothering my family, but what about my microphone. I can't take advantage of the radio contact that is so necessary in games like Counter-Strike because talking is not an option late at night. What I need is an invention that cancels my voice from anywhere except straight into the microphone, like the Smokeless ashtray. How can I make my voice one-directional, aside from wearing some sort of acoustic helmet?

I know that directional sound is around the corner, but I'd like to play online right now, so if you are working on this invention, hurry up. My family is sleeping in the next room.

If you have invented this amazing machine, please comment immediately and send me one, for free. If you could pay the postage, too, that would be great. If not, I understand. At least post a link where I can get one myself, with little effort.

THE BIG PICTURE

Close-up on what went right, wrong
Patrick GoldsteinThe Big PictureJanuary 10, 2006

Studio
Grade
Warner Bros.
A
20th Century Fox
A-
Disney
B
DreamWorks
B-
Universal
C
New Line
C
Paramount
C-
Miramax
D+
Sony
D
There was a golden age in Hollywood. And then there's today, when domestic box office is down for the third straight year and consumer spending on home video has dropped for the first time in a quarter of a century. Everyone has a theory about what's gone wrong. But for me, it wasn't the movies themselves — there were more than enough good ones to go around. It was time.

Toys R Us Will Close, Convert 87 Stores

(AP) – Toys R Us Inc., the retailer acquired by three buyout firms, will close 75 stores this spring and eliminate 3,000 jobs after reporting a wider third-quarter loss. The retailer will also convert 12 other locations into the Babies R Us format. The changes will result in $155 million in pretax restructuring expenses, the company said Monday. It did not list stores targeted for closure or conversion. The store closings are the first since the company was bought for $6.6 billion by a group including Vornado Realty Trust.

Please let them convert the one by my house!!! There's only ONE (1) Babies R US in the entire city of Orlando.

Howard 100

So, I got my Sirius satellite radio turned on Sunday night just in time for Howard's first show. Very exciting all around, mostly because I've wanted satellite radio ever since I borrowed a friend's for my drive from NYC to Orlando last spring. I have the REPLAY receiver, so I can pause and rewind up to 44 minutes of the current station that is currently tuned. This allows me to skip the unbelievable ads that have infiltrated Howard's show. I know that if it continues past this year, I will be hitting the road back to my MP3 player, unless I can find a way to go to work 44 minutes later every day.

Personally, I feel betrayed. It's not so much the ads, but the shameless plugging when he tries to masquerade as though he's truly interested in GOLDEN****.COM by slipping it into the conversations. It's painful to watch the selling out. At least BREAK for MUCH SHORTER commercials. I gotta go.

Even more sneaky: They mentioned that Howard had something like 450,000 callers yesterday. Is that because when you are put on hold, you get to listen to the show for free? If that is the case, nice loophole.

MobyGames - Moira Squier

This chick rocks!

MobyGames Auto-Generated Summary *:
Moira Squier was credited on a game as early as 2002 and as recently as 2004. His/Her career probably spans more years than those displayed since these dates are based on the credits documented in MobyGames (which are incomplete). Moira Squier has been credited with the roles Production, Support, Quality Assurance and Other. Moira Squier has been credited on games developed by the following companies: Griptonite Games, Electronic Arts Inc., Eurocom Entertainment Software, Electronic Arts UK, Warthog Plc, KnowWonder Digital Mediaworks and Qube Software Limited. This does not imply employment by these companies. Games Credited
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Electronic Arts Inc.Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Electronic Arts Inc.Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2003), Electronic Arts Inc.Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup (2003), Electronic Arts Inc.Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Electronic Arts Inc.LEGO Creator: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Electronic Arts Inc.*Information displayed about people is derived from the information in MobyGames. Since there are thousands of games still not documented in MobyGames, it should be assumed that the information displayed here is not 100% complete.

Dick Vermeil’s wife tells him to stop crying all the time like a pussy

Faced with spending more time with her husband now that he has retired from coaching, Dick Vermeil’s wife, Carol, implored her husband today to “stop acting like a pansy” and “quite all the f—king crying already.”“Dick is a good person and I love him,” said Carol, “but I married a man, not some pathetic, crying, little girl. I can’t spend all day around this sad, whimpering, testosterone-free, shell of a man. He needs to put a cork in the water works or I’m going to leave and find myself a man who hasn’t had his testicles removed.”Vermeil said he was surprised to hear his wife’s opinion.“I never knew how much my crying hurt her,” Vermeil said, “and, and … it, it … it really cuts me to the core,” he added, bursting into tears.

Wal-Mart Apologizes for Racist Software Glitch

Wal-Mart's attempt to mimic Amazon, NetFlix, and Blockbuster by providing an automated system that recommends movies based on the types of DVDs its customers previously ordered came to a crashing halt Thursday after blogs spread the word that the Planet of the Apes DVD was linked to "Similar Items" that included DVDs about Martin Luther King, Dorothy Dandridge, Jack Johnson and Tina Turner -- all notable African Americans. "We are heartsick that this happened and are currently doing everything possible to correct the problem," Wal-Mart spokeswoman Mona Williams said in a statement. "We were horrified to discover that some hurtful and offensive combinations are being mapped together. ... We are deeply sorry that this happened." The company gave no explanation for how the software program managed to select only films about African-Americans for the recommendations.

Spacey 'Outed'

Hollywood superstar Kevin Spacey has been named on a list of famous gays and lesbians being used to educate students in British schools. The actor, who has never discussed his sexuality despite rumors he is gay, is named alongside Oscar Wilde, Tennessee Williams and Irish TV presenter Graham Norton on documents offered to UK schools by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender group, which is part funded by the government. Organizer Paul Patrick says, "We double check our material carefully but Mr. Spacey's name got through. I don't know how; it will be withdrawn. It should not have happened and we apologize."

Scientists aim for lab-grown meat

An international research team has proposed new techniques that may lead to the mass production of meat reared not on the farm, but in the laboratory.

Developments in tissue engineering mean that cells taken from animals could be grown directly into meat in a laboratory, the researchers say.

Scientists believe the technology already exists to directly grow processed meat like a chicken nugget.

The technology could benefit both humans and the environment.

"With a single cell, you could theoretically produce the world's annual meat supply. And you could do it in a way that's better for the environment and human health.

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This is cool.