.

What does Marcellus Wallace look like?

2009-12-05T11:11:00.001-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

PHP development editors list

2009-08-03T21:42:00.001-04:00

My foray into PHP publishing. Where do you start?

Well, I started by reading some books about PHP on Books24x7.com. Then, after creating a very simple PHP program that queried a very simple table, I googled PHP Editors, which led me to the term PHP IDE (Integrated Development Environment). At first I though this was the name of a product, but then I found that it is the name of a type of product.

My search took my to www.php-editors.com and then I was off to this article comparing many of the top of the line editors.

I got this list from the link above:

PDT 1
PDT 2.0
Zend Studio 6
NetBeans 6.5
NetBeans 7 (development version)
Aptana PHP
Aptana Studio Pro
Codelobster *
Nusphere PhpED 5.6 *

and this link compares them all.

Obama blog jumps the...gun?

2009-01-21T01:01:00.003-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Change has come to WhiteHouse.gov

Welcome to the new WhiteHouse.gov. I'm Macon Phillips, the Director of New Media for the White House and one of the people who will be contributing to the blog.

A short time ago, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States..."

The only problem with this post on whitehouse.gov, the first post of the Obama Administration, is that it occured 2 minutes before Barack was actually sworn in.

CERN - Half-Life 2 video Mash-up

2008-11-21T08:42:00.004-05:00

For the record, I was not looking at porn when I created this for the internet.

This video is based on a FARK posting linked above and some pictures linked here.

After uploading, I noticed the audio seems to skip a bit on some transitions. I basically ran out of time so it ends a little abruptly. I think it's still worth sharing. I didn't discover the videos until just now. Damn. I will definitely need to revisit this. Plus, I'm kind of a noob at video editing, so special effects are added as I discover them.

Obama Video

2008-11-20T21:51:00.001-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

Regardless of your party affiliation, this is well done.

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

How does Bill O'Reilly have a show? Seriously.

2008-10-18T03:07:00.003-04:00

What a dickhead.

Nothing worse than putting your kid in hearse...

2008-09-29T15:48:00.004-04:00

...except maybe a freezer.

Katon Dawson is a partisan hack

2008-08-31T21:56:00.003-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.
South Carolina GOP Chairman Katon Dawson sharply criticized Fowler's comments, saying, “The outrageous behavior of two of the Obama campaign's highest profile supporters in the south is despicable, a cynical polarization of life and death. I call on Barack Obama to immediately denounce Fowler and Spratt and demand sincere apologies from these members of the Democratic leadership.”

...or Katon Dawson could develop sense of humor. The political season blows because of crap like this. I've never heard of this person and it seems that I'm not missing much.

Disney Magic cake

2008-08-16T10:04:00.005-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

Having spent 2 summers in Italy on the task force that helped deliver the Disney Magic and Wonder in 1998 and 1999, I have to say that I truly appreciate this achievement. From Mike's Amazing Cakes.

Geography Game

2008-08-07T12:22:00.002-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

GTA IV Statue of Happiness beating heart

2008-07-30T20:31:00.003-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I crashed my helicopter into the Statue of Happiness.

Empire State Building vs Rotterdam Tower

2008-07-10T11:59:00.001-04:00

Empire State Building vs Rotterdam Tower, originally uploaded by Matthew Johnston.

Liberty City vs NYC

You decide.

Montana Munny Series

2008-06-10T14:02:00.001-04:00

Montana Munny Series, originally uploaded by farkfk.

This is cool as hell. Original all around.

Paint can mummies..unless they have a better name.

Starbucks, Beijing

2008-06-10T13:55:00.001-04:00

Starbucks, Beijing, originally uploaded by swish008.

And that is how you do that.

Ahhh...originality

2008-05-30T01:35:00.004-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this on the internet.

Roger Clemens Arrives for Hearing on Steroids

2008-02-09T22:53:00.002-05:00

Wow. I would imagine this won't help his chances much. I really thought his lawyers would be better than this.

Grammar Dog to Bite Hand that Feeds Him

2008-02-06T20:01:00.000-05:00

From the wonderful t-shirt of my friend yojay:

"If you close your mind, don't forget to close your mouth" Good advice. if this offends then you're probably the target audience. Relax and go cue up some Beatles tunes.

McVideo Game, Part 2

2008-02-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

I got my system figured out now. Don't spoil the land, don't let too many sick cows go through, and payoff everyone you can find. But don't worry too much about marketing--a $6,000 fine from some obesitygroup is better than paying $600 a month for two years to make sure I don't get sued.

...and yes, there is a reason that man doesn't look happy. Disgruntled employees don't bother me too much--they slow down production a little, but not enough to make me watch them 24/7. Trust me, there's a lot more crap going into these burger than some spit. At one point I think I had 5-6 mad cows accidently slip through.

McVideo game

2008-02-01T11:52:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this interesting McVideo game.

Sometimes a game with a message is underdeveloped to get the word out quickly. This is not the case here. The McVideo game is robust and creative. The jury is still out as to whether it is truly winnable or solvable. You are in control of a flash-based fast food empire, controlling all aspects of production, sales, marketing and corporate politics.

Pretty impressive for a flash game with a message. Keep an eye on this post to see how far we get. GSTDOG posted the first impressive number in the screenshot above. Since there is no real high score feature, it's more of a max profit before the inevitable house of cards collapses. Part game skill and part PRINT SCREEN key timing skill.

80's Halloween theme costumes

2007-11-09T12:53:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I came up with these ideas for 80's Halloween costumes.

Although not a comprehensive list by any means, these were ideas that I thought I could maybe make on the cheap. I pulled these from a few Youtube sessions and my sketchy childhood memory.

Functional Rubik's Cube
Twinkie the Kid
Connect 4 Game
Crazy Glue Guy hanging from girder
New Coke can
Wham! (CHOOSE LIFE...dye hair blond)
Freedom Rock Guy
Chia Pet
Optimus Prime
GI Joe (Obscure character..like Shipwreck)
Marty McFly - Orange vest, skateboard
Kool-Aid Man

I ended up going as Indiana Jones because a friend of mine had access to an official costume.

Too much Red Bull

2007-09-22T22:22:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this Red Bull video on YouTube.

SQUIDOO for you

2007-08-19T15:26:00.000-04:00

I just made this lens about my cafepress shop on SQUIDOO.COM. Check it out to see some great behind the scenes details for my shop designs.

Our shop is linked to the right, but just in case you are reading this in some other way, it's http://www.cafepress.com/yojay.

Most impressive Windows error message you'll see this week

2007-08-14T12:39:00.001-04:00

In the middle of something? Er, what makes you think I was in the middle of something? What would I be in the middle of? I wasn't in the middle of anything.

Just because the movie's called 'The Shooter'...

I'd hit it.

Michael Vick's Dodge Nitro?

2007-07-19T13:33:00.001-04:00

If Vick owned a Dodge Nitro, it would probably be this one.

read more | digg story

Nashville airport

2007-07-12T01:36:00.001-04:00

Nashville airport, originally uploaded by yojayy.

Win 98 - woohoo!

This picture was taken in June of 2007

Our new shop banner

2007-07-11T22:12:00.001-04:00

Yes, I consider it news!

A Gamer's Wedding Cake

2007-07-09T14:47:00.001-04:00

There's this wedding cake that's an Xbox 360, an Xbox, a PS2 and a GameCube on Top. Crazy Awesome.

read more | digg story

Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

2007-07-06T22:32:00.001-04:00

Why most suicide bombers are Muslim, beautiful people have more daughters, humans are naturally polygamous, sexual harassment isn't sexist, and blonds are more attractive.

read more | digg story

Picture: The Zombie Food Pyramid

2007-07-06T21:04:00.001-04:00

A top down representation of the zombie food pyramid. Definitely a keeper for future reference.

read more | digg story

Hilarious: Actual Airline Complaint

2007-07-06T20:51:00.001-04:00

This is an actual airline complaint filed by a passenger. Absolutely hilarious.

read more | digg story

THIS is how you deal with lazy police [PICTURE]

2007-07-06T20:46:00.001-04:00

"Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police.."

read more | digg story

How to build a sweet gaming PC for $538

2007-07-06T20:12:00.001-04:00

The guys at The Tech Report have put together a new system guide, and in it they show how to put together a nice little gaming system with nothing but quality name-brand parts for just $538. There are also system recommendations for $1,000, $1,500, and $3,000 budgets.

read more | digg story

Addicted to Star Wars

2007-07-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

So, when it comes to fan created content, anything goes these days. But Addicted to Star Wars may be one of the coolest fan-created projects ever. From what I can gather, someone with an online persona of WOOKIE GROOMER over at http://www.originaltrilogy.com/ has been frustrated with Lucasfilm's lack of effort in releasing high def versions of the Star Wars trilogy. Since George and company have left the SW community high and dry, WOOKIE GROOMER decided to do something about it. Culling together as many high def sources of the movies as he could, he has single handedly reencoded and published all 6 movies in HD. He encoded each movie separately, even splitting out the different versions of each, like his DVD of SW:A New Hope (1977) vs SW:A New Hope (2004).

The catch is that you have to know how to download from alt.binaries.starwars. The coup de gras is Addicted to Star Wars, an 8GB encoding of all 6 Star Wars movies playing simultaneously on-screen. You can switch between audio tracks of each film, including an extra track with all 6 audio tracks playing simultaneously.

It's an amazing piece of fan content overall, and is one of those projects that turned out cooler than anyone could have anticipated.

There are screenshots below from Addicted to Star Wars and SW: A New Hope. If this looks interesting to you, good luck and happy hunting.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE

Electronic Quarterback

2007-07-05T12:51:00.001-04:00

Electronic Quarterback, originally uploaded by Petromyzon.

This is a great collection of shots of these old video games. Flickr has become a go to site for finding images. I go here before google almost every time.

90 minutes?!

2007-06-08T16:37:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

I can understand the creation of some form of entertainment, but a 90 minute musical...about Wal-Mart?!

At last year's annual shareholder meeting, Roehm oversaw the creation of a 1½-hour-long musical celebrating the retailer, which culminated in a ballad entitled "My Life Began the Day That I Met Sam," a reference to company founder Sam Walton.

Wal-mart image from www.cameronlawrence.com

It's Full of Wigs!

2007-06-04T14:47:00.000-04:00

MXZ Saw = Worst product ever?

2007-04-23T01:57:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this crappy knife.

I know this may be a weak article to mark our return to the web, but I fell asleep on my couch and woke up watching a commercial for the MXZ Saw, the only saw you'll ever need. I had a hunch this was a probably a REALLY crappy product with ridiculously poor potential, so I did a little digging. I didn't have to go far before I found this webgem hiding on Amazon.com:

The good news is that you could probably let your little boy play with the MXZ SAW because I don't think it poses any genuine threat to "snails and puppy dog tails." And while a person probably could use this saw to commit suicide, unless that person was extremely young, chances are they would die of natural causes before the deed was done. I'd say that what you really have here is the world's largest nail file. And speaking of "file", someone probably should file a lawsuit against this company for misleading advertising. I'm sorry, but I can't even cut the MXZ SAW a little slack using the MXZ SAW.

Also, I am still totally awesome.

I am totally awesome

2007-03-08T23:27:00.000-05:00

There are couple of reasons for this post, but mostly, I was just sitting here thinking how awesome I am. I just realized, while I was reading about the evolution of bird genomes from dinosaur genomes on MSNBC.com or some other news site, that I am actually a fairly awesome guy. I suppose the real test here will be how long it takes GSTDOG to find this post and ridicule it for it's clear message of, how shall I put it, YOJAY-AWESOMENESS. For those of you who don't know, and judging by the comments, that would be everyone and no one, GSTDOG used to be a regular contributor to this blog until he lost interest in posting relevant or interesting content a few months ago. In fact, I think it's safe to say we may have seen the last GSTDOG post on this blog...maybe...ever. Some say: it was time.

I'm not sure exactly what happened. Perhaps he found religion. Perhaps his new fiance doesn't give him permission to post anymore. Maybe he just became a huge pussy. No matter what the reason, I'm still required to plan and execute his bachelor party sometime in April. Who knows what that will entail? That's not rhetorical...I need some help here. I'm sure at this point he's not allowed to look at pretty ladies, so his single friends will all enjoy a long night of poker and a long day of deep-sea fishing as we send him off to a future void of the things he used to love..like blogging.

You kids out there may think this sounds harsh, and saying it sounds harsh may sound like a cliche, but there are times in life when we all come to a crossroads. You may want to travel both paths, but you can't. At least not at the same time. You can always go down the road and come back, but who has time for that shit. Pick a road and go. Or just hang out at the crossroads and watch everyone else choose for a while. In the long run, no one cares but you. Just do what you need to do to be happy, or on top, or successful, or laid. Whatever you want. When time is up on this insignificant marble, it's just between you and your body. Eventually, however it happens, you'll exhale one last time and the inhale won't come. Will you have spent your days fighting mortgage companies, banks, bill collectors, and neighborhood review boards, or will you have spent your time exploring the purpose of any of it?

My guess is mortgages and that like, since those are the challenges presented to us in our lifetime. We fight the fights we need to fight. The rare person rises above the mundane and does something truly outstanding. Chances are, you're not that guy.

But I might be.

This is cool

2007-02-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

Ferrari Theme Park Starts to Take Shape

2007-02-14T12:28:00.000-05:00

A bit of a stretch for this blog, but our reader(s) probably won't mind. This looks interesting.

ABU DHABI, UAE (autospies.com) – We've already seen Ferrari's licensing skills produce a range of merchandise from sunglasses to laptops – and now it's taking on Disneyland with the prancing horse's very own theme park. The doors will open in 2009 in Abu Dhabi, the capital city of the United Arab Emirates. A large slice of desert on the island of Yas will be reclaimed to host the development, which will include 24 attractions, including a 70-metre high G-Force Tower and what's claimed to be the world's first F1-branded twin rollercoaster ride, allowing races between carriages. Budding Schumachers can try their hand at go-karting and dune buggy racing – and there are bound to be plenty of opportunities to snaffle up Ferrari-branded goodies, too. The plans by Benoy Architects even reveal plans for the Ferrari F1 pitlane experience. This is a massive scheme, including a motor racing circuit destined to host the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix in 2009, posh hotels, apartments, villas, a golf course and marina, dozens of restaurants and shops... you get the idea. The whole thing is going to cost around £300 million (US$583 million), much of it stumped up by Middle East developers Aldar Properties. Ferrari CEO Jean Todt has called the site 'an important attraction for fans and car lovers worldwide.'

MAKING TELEMARKETERS PAY -- IN CASH

2007-02-13T10:54:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article about suing telemarketers. It looks like I may be up for this. He makes it sound so easy.

Suing telemarketers is not new, but Web-based court forms have made it much easier. Electronic filing is slowly becoming standard at small claims courts across the country, said Emily Doskow, editor of "Everybody's Guide to Small Claims Court.”

"It's very consumer friendly," she said. "It's been growing in
popularity for the last five years."

"It's been growing in popularity"? I love the idea that suing people is popular.

Talk about a slam dunk! He put up a website (http://killthecalls.com) to help other people get in on the action and apparently the MSNBC exposure is jacking up his traffic.

Inventor Dreams of Even Slices of Pizza

2007-02-06T21:59:00.000-05:00

"Most of us are all too familiar with the common situation where, in ordering and eating a pizza, the size of the pieces contrast drastically in size. When this occurs, the large pieces are difficult to handle, often resulting in dropped sauce and toppings that can stain clothing and carpet. Furthermore, due to the fact that pizza is often hot, burns can result where the hot cheese, sauce and toppings drop onto one's person. Also, where the pizza serves as a meal for a number of people, the disproportionate pieces make for unequal servings and, as a result, further cutting is required to even-out the meal. From a business point of view, a poorly cut pizza relates directly to quality and workmanship in the food product. Accordingly, there is need for a means by which commercial pizza establishments and restaurants can ensure constant, evenly sliced pizzas on a consistent basis. The development of the present invention fulfills this need."

You know what? This guy's right. I can't stand it when I have to shave an 1/8th of an inch off of a slice of pizza in the name of equity. Oh sure, ignore it, you say! Well, that's the kind of talk I would expect from someone a few irregular stains on their carpet. More than one pizza chain has lost my business when slices failed to fall within my pre-subscribed pizza tolerance of 342 ± 2 millimeters.

Thank God for visionaries like Kenneth Morris. In 1999, he give us the holy grail of pizza making, the even-slice pizza cutter (U.S. Patent No. 6,557,260). From ancient steel first created in the wind furnaces of Sri Lanka in 300 B.C., to the rise of modern steel production in 1850, all of mankind's progress has led to the creation of such a glorious tool:

While this news caused a great deal of joy among the pizza eating community in 1999, shares of Procter & Gamble and Reckitt Benckiser were sent crashing on the New York and London Stock Exchanges, respectively. Private shareholders incited a near panic as the rid themselves of what was sure to become "junk" stocks as the need for personal cleaning products vanished.

What? You saw this coming? Rubbish. Who could have predicted that the invention of the multiple pizza slice cutter in 1991 would have been a precursor to the even slice cutter of 1999. Sure, one could claim that these two inventions were really the same thing, but I think Mr. Morris ends that controversy.

"Patent No. D316,656 describes the ornamental design for a multiple slice pizza cutter."

When tattoos look like this, sign me up

2007-02-01T23:16:00.000-05:00

So much for Shadow Puppet theater. What can I say about this guy? These pictures are amazing. Guido Daniele takes making hand animals to a whole new level. There's not a whole lot left to the imagination about the animals here, and there's not much to say, except check them out. I could cut and paste the Reader's Digest article about him and these creations, but it's easier to just follow the link.

I'm sure I'll catch some flak from gstdog for the lack of a souvenir tie-in, and for a bit of a miss on an original angle here, but I can defend this post. First, I'm not even sure that gstdog even reads this blog anymore, judging by the fact that I haven't seen a post from him since about, oh, 1997. Secondly, if I wait any longer for gstdog to post his next fascinating insight into evenly sliced pizza or overzealous beer pong players, this blog will become even less relevant than it already is. So I thank you, loyal reader (you know who you are) for your patience in our content drought. I hope you find this exposure to a talented and original artist worthwhile, and maybe we'll see you again soon.

Enjoy.

All your beliefs are belong to nothing

2007-01-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this awesome picture of the Earth.

Carl Sagan said it best when describing this life-altering photo of Earth, in his book Pale Blue Dot, taken by Voyager 17 years ago:

"We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.
.
.
.
"

Of course, what blog post would be complete without a few links to Wikipedia? What is even more awesome is that Sagan promoted the ideas of space colonization and terraforming, (Thank you again wikipedia) the idea of turning an uninhabitable planet into an oasis for human life. But where will we go?

How will we do it? A lot of effort has gone into thinking about this. Thankfully, we finally have a true simulation of what to expect.

According to HowStuffWorks.com, giant mirrors could play into it:

Large orbital mirrors that will reflect sunlight and heat the Mars surface.
Greenhouse gas-producing factories to trap solar radiation.
Smashing ammonia-heavy asteroids into the planet to raise the greenhouse gas level.

That last one sounds AWESOME!
More precisely:

Scientists have thought about attaching nuclear, thermal-rocket engines to ammonia-heavy asteroids and redirecting the asteroids so that they crash into Mars and release the meteor's ammonia and water. The ammonia could raise Mars' greenhouse gas level. The rocket engines could be able to move the asteroids 3 miles per second, for a period of ten years, before they shut down and allowed the asteroids to coast into Mars.

So why am I bringing everyone down with this post about how insignificant we all are? The real answer is, why not? And that answer is a question, which is a bullshit cop-out. If you can view this photo and dismiss its impact and importance on how it should shape your entire philosophy on life, then you need to look at it again. Even if you agree that "Yes, we are insignificant in the grand scheme of things, so I'm going to just make a go of it here on Earth since this will always be my entire reality", well, then at least you're being responsible to yourself.

It's tough to comprehend infinity, if not impossible. To say "I get it" is all we can probably ever do. Until then I suppose we can all keep striving for the 5 bedroom house and HUMMER (or at least the means to own a HUMMER but then reject it outright since it such an unnecessarysuburban vehicle.) Contemplating the breadth and scope of the universe doesn't pay the mortgage..unless you're Stephen Hawking or the late Carl Sagan, et al.

I like living in a time when pictures like the one above exist. I like contemplating how many people will view that photo and dismiss it, because it represents an entire overhaul of their reality. That's a lot to ask of yourself. Are you up for it?

If you enjoyed the post, enjoy a souvenir. T-shirts available at the gift shop out front.

Pink ATM Machines and PIN Numbers

2006-12-14T21:57:00.000-05:00

Christmas is just around the corner, so I decided to check out the hot toys this season for our loyal readers. I stumbled across a stock of 15 TMX Elmo's, and you can read the previous article to see yojay's master plan to make a profit of $10 a box. Anyway, after deciding that an extra $50 wasn't worth my time, I went online to find another toy. The front page of Toysrus.com is pushing robots and life-size ponies, but I had to dig a little deeper to find this gem:

Two things bother me about this ad. First, why are they using a hairy man-hands when this is obviously for a little girl? I guess this is setting expectations for dad. This toy will not inspire your daughter to go out and get a job, but rather, she will beg you to insert money into the machine for her.

The second problem is a little more subtle. Check out the print ad:

The Ultimate ATM machine - it's just like the real thing. The big screen welcomes you and will give you all of your up to date account information. This ATM is so advanced, it even knows your name.

A Pink ATM Machine. A Pink Automated Teller Machine Machine. I've always wanted a Pink ATMM.

Okay, so we've all been there. We've had that moment where you say something that is grammatically incorrect. In fact, I'm sure my gracious host yojay is scanning my post right now looking for my own mistakes (f*** you yojay). But as a society, we don't have a good measure of how fucked up one mistake is versus another. No fear America! Gstdog is here to solve the problem. Here is my patented Two-Dimensional Grammar Faux Pas Matrix (okay, maybe itsn't not patented yet, but I'm working on it....or not).

The HOW STUPID ARE YOU? Scale:

Dunce - Confusing 'effect' with 'affect'. No matter what you do, you're still wrong 90% of the time--it's unavoidable.
Simpleton - Confusing 'there' with 'their'. Small children will laugh at you, but at least you can still kick 'their' asses.
Dimwit - Any adverb mistake. A trusted professor once told me that an adverb is an admission of a poor vocabulary. Any adverb-adjective combination can be replaced by a better adjective (e.g., really bad = terrible, really big = huge).
Idiot - Using "it's" as a possesive. Your best bet is to blame this mistake on either a mild case of dyslexia or a typo. It's far better to admit a disability than being exposed for your true stupidity.
Mental Defective - Redundant word usage, or the RAS Syndrome. 'ATM Machines', 'PIN Numbers', and the 'reason why'.
Dumbass - Confusing the use of 'I' and 'me'. Why is this one so high on the list? Because yojay bugs the shit out of me about this one, and I guess I never learned in grade school that you can't use 'I' in a prepositional phrase. Goddamn, he pisses me off sometimes.

The HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS? Scale:

Second - Chatting online
Minute - Talking to yourself
Hour - Talking to your dog
Week - Talking to a friend
Year - Talking to a large group
Decade - Addressing a nation on TV
Lifetime - Written communication* (* If unpaid, probably just a month.)

So how does this work? If I misuse an adverb in this blog post, yojay will give me shit about being a dimwit for a month. If President Bush can't even construct a proper sentence on television, he'll be a dumbass for a decade (trust me, it wears off--nobody cares about Dan Quayle anymore). If you use redundant phrases in a national print ad for a toy, then you are a mental defective for the rest of your life.

How can a reputable company let something like this happen? Don't they pay someone to read this shit? Toys 'r' Us lists the manufacturer as Summit Products. Let's check them out:

Uh....no. Trust me on this one--I clicked on commerical products and didn't find any Pink ATM Machines. Okay, maybe the 'I feel lucky' button on Google isn't the right choice for this search.

Ah, now we've got it--Summit Toys. And to confirm, this wasn't a Toys 'r' Us error--Summit lists all of their ATM Machines as such. A quick check around to see if any of them have PIN Numbers, but no luck. Wait! They have an ATMM? Do they recognize their own idiocy? Damn...it's just an Automated Teller Machine Mini Machine.

But, alas, the stupidity doesn't stop there. Our good friends over at ATMmachines.com are in their "ninth year of selling ATM machines." Good for them--nothing like nine years of uninterrupted stupidity.

Check out the Yojay Store. Like the blog? Buy the shirt!

ATM Machine

--
Posted by Gstdog to Listen up at 12/14/2006 09:57:00 PM

TMX Emo Auction breakdown

2006-12-13T11:39:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I monitored this TMX Elmo Auction.

So, yesterday I came across an entire pallet of these things and thought "Aren't they hard to find?" My cohort agreed but we thought some research was in order. After noticing the secondary market value was about the same as retail, we concluded it would be a lot of work for little reward. However, it seems that in the last day, prices have starting creeping up as more and more auctions are ending and supply is dwindling. A quick check on eBay shows 4-5 auctions ending EVERY minute as of the time of this post. These auctions will dwindle over the next week, with the last second buyers growing increasingly desperate. Online businesses aren't helping much either when they have prices in $100 range or greater.

TMX Elmo bid timeline (final morning)

As you can see by the graph, there was minimal activity in my resprentative auction until the final 5 minutes, when the high bid increased 200%, from $15.00 to $45.00.

Click the picture above to see an animation of the final auction moments.

This clearly shows me that there is demand for these toys, and money to be made on the secondary market, especially when you factor in the inflated shipping charges some sellers have included.

Of course, some people are aiming higher than others, with BUY IT NOW prices of $300 for 2.

Mastering MERLIN

2006-12-01T15:46:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I found MERLIN in my closet.

So I was looking for some wiring for my display lights in my storage bins and came across my MERLIN electronic toy from 1978. Parker Brothers made this cool handheld game and it was one of my favorite toys. I even still have the orginal box, although it's barely square anymore. I believe they have redesigned and re-released this classic game, along with some other great original handhelds of my childhood.

It has 6 game modes:

Tic-Tac-Toe
Music Machine
Echo
Blackjack 13
Magic Square
Mindbender

The last one, Mindbender, is an electronic version of the old code breaking game, Mastermind.

There's even been a Virtual MERLIN project that, despite website appearances, seems to be mostly completed.

So why do we care here? Because there's something to be said for mastering this game. It is a great exercise in efficient code breaking. Below are the results of my first recording of a 9 digit Mindbender game. It makes me wonder, what is the best way to solve these? Is there a secret? Any mathematicians out there have an equation to prove it can be done in says..10 steps everytime? Stay tuned...I may try to figure this out.

In the meantime:

UPDATE: I pulled another sample. After putzing around for 24 rounds, I buckled down and realized that I MUST have enough information by now. I did, but it took some digging to see it. I highlighted in pink the hits and in red the misses. Going back over the history like this, the code slowly revealed itself. It's like a really primitive version of Minesweeper. Now, to improve the process.

Cars Breakdown Part 1 of (many)

2006-11-22T00:59:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I noticed these birds.

(This article is cross-posted at fdcceo.blogspot.com).

Pixar's Cars came out on DVD last week. What a treat. Another Pixar hit, yada, yada, yada. We can read all the press releases all over the place. Let's get to the good stuff. Sure, you can probably read everything I'm about to write somewhere else by now too, but I've got a little something different in mind for the packaging.

Let's breakdown the inside jokes in this masterpiece, one at a time. Upcoming articles will showcase the cars and their backgrounds, as well as side by side comparisons to their real life counterparts/inspirations, but today we're going to start small.

Keep in mind, I have no sympathy for you if you haven't seen the flick yet. There will be spoilers for sure, so go buy it now and watch it. I'll wait . . . . . . . . . . . Pretty good, eh? Some crazy good talent was used on this film.

Yet, I digress. So we find Lightning McQueen on his way to California for the big race around the 17:44 mark in the film. Pause it. If you timed it right you should be looking at this:

If you are a Pixar fan and you have seen their animated shorts, this will look familiar.

These are the same pompous birds from the Academy Award winning short, For the Birds, part of which you can watch here.

Pixar does this a LOT, and we're going to track down as many as we can. They drop references to their past work in their current work, and it makes the films that much more fun to watch, over and over again.

Stay tuned. I'll be back with more detailed illustrations of the secrets of Pixar's Cars soon.

Steal this content and kill a kitten

2006-11-14T01:02:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I wrote this article.

How long should writing an article take? I'm not getting paid by the hour, so I suppose my effort to reward ratio is my own problem. I'd like to construct a well written article to hold your interest in less than 5 minutes, but that probably won't be worth reading. And can I sit here writing about the blog and this self-referential post and get much further? Not really.

When it comes to web traffic, content is king. If you have something worth reading, seeing or downloading, surfers will come. Hell, if you just write about increasing web traffic or creating something worth seeing or downloading, they will come. At some point, web masters need to leave the revenue generation behind and just focus on some original content. Of course, the internet has been practically custom built for intellectual theft, so be prepared to see your hard work being delivered from another site, paying someone else's bills. If it's posted, then it can be duplicated and reposted somewhere else. Sure, that's technically illegal, but it's down right near impossible to police, unless you're Disney or Microsoft or some other conglomerate with a team of lawyers protecting your assets.

So what's the deal here, you wonder? Why am I still writing and why are you still reading? Short version, we're both waiting for something interesting to happen. Where's the wisdom in my post? Where's the hidden web gem idea that you can beg for/borrow or, hell, it's the internet, just plain steal? Is there inspiration here to quit your job and develop your own revenue stream, one that works 24/7, even when you're sleeping? That would be nice, for sure, but I haven't written that part yet.

What about "Doing What You Love And The Money Will Follow"? I've always wondered what else needs to be in a book with a title like that? Maybe "Charge money for this service or talent that you love" or "Start a business around your passion to generate revenue". That gets us to page one. Now what? There are 6 billion people in the world, 300 million in the U.S. now. Aside from the 10 other people in my department, no one else does what I do for money. Sure, there are similar jobs, and mine has provided some unique work opportunities that "owning a website" will never provide, but at what cost?

Working for yourself is probably very liberating and empowering, but unless you plan to get into the cruise ship business or the skyscraper business on your own, sometimes working for "the man" is the only way to gain access to the things you truly love (if you love building cruise ships or skyscrapers). Unrealistically you could argue, "I'll just found my own renowned architecture firm and do what I love". Go for it. Good for you. But for some it's much easier to join up with the establishment and hit the ground running on the details you love, not the details of the business. I don't know many architects who enjoy managing payrolls or employee health coverage.

The pitfall is that a newly founded business will always grow into an established business. Internet startups eventually need to hire MBA's. In the beginning, Microsoft was 2 guys in a garage, but do you think they have grown-up corporate problems now, with thousands of cubicle dwelling employees? You betcha. Easy answer - get out before the kitten becomes a cat. Are you the one who can start 'em up, but can't send 'em to college? When they get older, pass them off to your sister and start another one. Travel light, jumping from one idea to the next, spawning kittens everywhere you go, because, let's face it, kittens are pretty damn cute. Yet, kittens grow up to be cats.

Problem is, if we remember where we're coming from, we hate cats.

Now, hypocrisy has a new friend...you. Even if you don't go global and your kitten stays cute, young and naive, like a Kansas girl at a Hollywood busstop, the cats will suppress their envy and either eat you up or buy you out.

Innocence is always lost, and those who lose it are on the prowl to take yours.

In the meantime, generate some original web content and drive traffic to your supplemental income website. But don't be discouraged when the only statcounter numbers you see are from your own publishing software. If you build it (and make it worth seeing/reading or downloading), they will eventually come.

To steal it.

F*cking Chuck Norris!

2006-11-13T20:35:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this AWESOME picture.

And now my blog has come full circle.

Pictures made of pictures

2006-11-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for anything when I discovered this photomosaic generator.

Making pictures out of pictures finally comes to the layman. Although you can't choose your own picture collection to use as building blocks, or even theme the pictures used in the mosaic, it's still pretty cool for the cost. I mean, who doesn't want to look at the Olsen twins in all their blurry glory?

Upload your own source picture and have some downloadable fun, like say, a giant lego sea serpent at Disney World.

Before

Yesterday's Hawtness

Britney - Noooooo...

2006-11-08T10:49:00.000-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article. It was emailed to my Blackberry by CNN breaking News.

So Britney is back on the market. I don't want to dwell on this, but the CNN article linked me to this E! interview with K-Fed. I think the quote below sums it up:

Diaper Genie or Diaper Champ?
What's the difference? I don't know which one we have, all it says is ''Genie'' on top. You'd better believe it, if I've got a stinky diaper, I'm throwing it right in there.

I may only have a college degree, but I think an assumption can be made here.

He's a champion.

Lamborghini Gallardo HDR

2006-11-02T18:33:00.000-05:00

Lamborghini Gallardo HDR, originally uploaded by Ozan™.

It is what it is. And it's pretty cool.

Yojay remains unimpressive.

2006-11-01T08:12:00.000-05:00

Wow. You've managed to change the header from one disaster to another.

Yojay is lazy, uninspired, and other criticisms.

2006-10-31T07:51:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering, this is crap:

We are going to lose our Web Candle + Monkey designation unless you fix this. Frankly, I'm embarrassed to be associated with this blog.

It seems Office Depot is a great place to work

2006-10-30T19:51:00.001-05:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article. Okay, maybe I was, a little bit, but not really. I was having a little fun with the search at jobsonline.net. Free sex has been determined as one of the most popular search terms on the 'net according to Google Trends, so I thought I'd give it a spin in another database. The really sad part is that I'm not even looking for a new job. However, it may pay to check out Office Depot after results like this:

We've found 28 Free Sex jobs in the Orlando area!

Below is a sample of the free sex job postings available near orlando, from all over the Internet!

Consultant, Service, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Store Support Manager - M2, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Customer Service Speclist CSS, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Product Solutions Manager, Office Depot, Orlando, FL
Store Manager, Office Depot, Orlando, FL

To view all of the great free sex job opportunities available near orlando, complete your JobsOnline resume below.

Classic Walt Disney World Commercial (1971)

2006-10-19T21:01:00.000-04:00

Whoa. This is creepy. I try not to throw that word around two much (okay, maybe every third article I write), but I cannot imagine that the world has changed that much in 35 years. Can you imagine some marketing executives dreaming up this TV spot and saying "this will really pull at the heart strings and create a call to action." More like "this will terrify children and and confuse adults who don't know what the Magic Kindom is."

AI Chat Bot -- jabberwacky

2006-10-19T20:39:00.000-04:00

I love the concept of this AI chat bot. My favorite part is how "real" AI experts scoff at the idea of a chat bot that doesn't really think. Jabberwacky's success comes from building a massive database of responses and selecting the best one based on history. You know what? The website's description is much better:

It stores everything everyone has ever said, and finds the most appropriate thing to say using contextual pattern matching techniques. In speaking to you it uses only learnt material. With no hard-coded rules, it relies entirely on the principles of feedback. This is very different to the majority of chatbots, which are rule-bound and finite.

If you speak in a foreign language it will learn it, and respond appropriately if it has enough to go on. It can be taught slang English, word games, jokes and any other form of identifiable language trait.

Jabberwacky is NOT meant to learn logical statements, nor to perform mathematical tasks, to find web pages - or do anything 'useful'! Its role is simply to chat.

Intersting huh? Even better is jabberwacky learning that he doesn't actually exist:

jabberwacky: Interesting.
user: No.
jabberwacky: Well then tell me something interesting.
user: Ok, you do not think, therefore you are not.
jabberwacky: If I'm not, then who are you talking to?
user: Myself.
jabberwacky: And who would that be?
user: Me.
jabberwacky: Are you saying that you are the key to my reality?
user: Yes.

Wow. That's deep. Oh, and in case you were wonder, according to wikipedia, "Jabberwocky is ... generally considered to be one of the greatest nonsense poems written in the English language." That's crap. Everyone knows the best is Morgenstern's Das Nasob?m.

ABC News is Most Unbiased Source

2006-10-19T20:32:00.000-04:00

Students at the University of Chicago conducted a study to determine the bias of media outlets. Not surprisingly, Fox News leans to the right, and the NY Times leans to the left. Wow. We needed a study to tell us that?

All kidding aside, I was surprised to see how centrist that ABC News is (and even the Drudgereport to some degree). The study does validate the most news outlets do lean to the left, although some more than others.

Required Reading for Anyone with a Business Idea

2006-10-19T20:27:00.000-04:00

Anyone who has ever thought about trying to take an idea and turn it into a business should read this article. Phil Vischer gives an amazing account of the rise and fall of Veggie Tales in this 11-part series on his website (http://www.philvischer.com/index.php/?p=38). Yes, it's 11 pages, but trust me--you'll be enlighted.

I learned more reading this article than in most of my MBA classes.

What you need to believe to be a Republican today...

2006-10-17T18:45:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this e-mail in my inbox.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him,and a bad guy when Dubbya needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
Keep condoms out of every drug store within walking distance of a schools. Then adolescents won't have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing Health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring theInternet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, But what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Ahhh..the Onion..enjoy.

2006-10-16T13:10:00.000-04:00

George Steinbrenner Fires Tigers

NEW YORK—Immediately following the Yankees' first-round playoff elimination last Saturday, George Steinbrenner released a statement announcing his intention to fire the Detroit Tigers, whose "inexcusable postseason performance stunned and...

The Birdman of Oz-catraz

2006-10-14T02:02:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered what happens "If you put four dwarfs in a room with enough opium and alcohol...

...it's bound to end in tears."

So it seems that the munchkins in Oz:

were reputed to have indulged in "sex orgies, drunken behaviour and general dwarf debauchery" - rumours that Garland herself later propagated.

So much so that Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) has even included it in his new play Babylon Heights. But did one of them commit suicide on film?

No.

See, that was easy. All settled by countless websites and blogs. Mostly though, it's settled by this video below.

An explanation here.
And a little more explanation if you feel it necessary.

The rumors of munchkin orgies got me searching. I suppose you could say that - For the record, I was looking for porn, munchkin porn, when I discovered the video below.

Love live GMR.

You ever drop your pen?

2006-10-14T01:24:00.000-04:00

These guys don't. Learn how here.

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered these pens.

Have no fear, the YouTube trolling will continue.

I need a vacation

2006-10-14T01:21:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this wave.

South America is more than one country?

2006-10-10T01:26:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this game.

If you thought the Middle East geography test was hard...this map should be all green.

Tom Wilson is a funny guy

2006-10-10T00:43:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this video. I actually found it thanks to Dane Cook.

The PI Song

2006-10-01T01:01:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered PI.

WHOLPHIN

2006-09-28T23:59:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this unseen films website.

I watched 2 films here and found both to be fascinating. The first is called The Last Days of Jonathan Perlo and is fairly sad. I thought it might not keep my interest but I felt compelled to watch the entire thing. I'm glad I did.

The second was a short film with some surpisingly engaging animation and a fast moving story. The song is catchy too.

Click the picture to launch a Quicktime window.

If the rest of the films can keep up with these two, I will burn through them all by the weekend.

UPDATE:

Things that are nice.

Giant insect attacks Germany?

2006-09-28T10:37:00.000-04:00

Giant Bug! Help? - Google Maps

You will suck at this

2006-09-25T17:15:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this test.

White & Nerdy

2006-09-25T15:52:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this video.

All I can say is that Weird Al nails this one.

I want a Trivial Pursuit game like this:

G - In what city is the largest ball of twine built by one man?
E - What's the deal with Lindsay Lohan? I mean, seriously?
H - F.D.R. - was he faking it?
AL - On what page does Harry Potter die in the next book?
SN - What is the melting point of a gorilla's head?
?? - How many Wicket Men are there on a 43-Man Squamish team?

(The last answer is 5)

White & Nerdy Survey
Find out how nerdy you really are here.

Take that Rich Uncle Pennybags!

2006-09-24T09:55:00.000-04:00

I guess that's what happens if you...I'm not really sure.

Thirsty?

2006-09-21T13:55:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this ridiculous beverage.

...Cocaine is "350 percent stronger than Red Bull" but that people do not
experience the "sugar crash" or jitters that he says some of the other energy
drinks can produce.

Tell me again why Disney didn't invent this?

2006-09-21T10:18:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, Disney doesn't invent anything anymore. They just buy everyone else's ideas.

Uh, tell me again why Disney hasn't bought this idea yet? Well if they want to, it's called Booster Bike and it is located in Sevenum, Netherlands at an amusement park called Toverland.

How's your Dutch? Apparently, "Toveren" means "wizardy" or "magic". It seems that Toverland means "Magicland".

Beer Cannon Montage

2006-09-21T10:16:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this movie. Let's spend a little time with YouTube, shall we?.

The EX!

2006-09-19T23:14:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this knife block. I actually found a picture of this in Flickr and looked up 'red knife guy holder' on google.

Death and Taxes

2006-09-19T23:01:00.001-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this cool graph.

What does the government do with your money?

The Ethics of Overdraft Fees?

2006-09-12T01:52:00.000-04:00

Wikipedia has an interesting discussion on banks and the potentially unethical practice of overdraft fees.

Bank policy greatly affects the bank's ability to charge overdraft fees. Some banks alter the order in which transactions are applied during the day to maximize overdraft fees. For instance, if there is $100 available and withdrawals in the amounts of $1, $5, $7, $10, and $105 are all posted in the same batch, many banks will post the larger withdrawals first, causing 5 overdraft fees. In contrast, if these withdrawals are applied in the order above, only the last withdrawal will overdraft, and only one fee will be assessed.

My guess is that whoever wrote this article is probably an idiot and has had to pay overdraft fees recently.

More Political Children's Books

2006-09-11T20:41:00.000-04:00

Here is one of the pages from Why Mommy is a Democrat:

Wow. Glad to see the Democrats have really embraced socialism. Okay, maybe I've added my social commentary, but the original is not much worse. My favorite is the two rich Republicans walking by the homeless man in the background. Anyone who owns a poodle or smokes a cigar has clearly benefited from an undeserved tax cut.

I'm surprised they don't have a page where Republicans are literally peeing on a minority with some squirrels talking about the flaws of "trickle down" economics.

Oh joy! Look for the next book due out by Christmas:

Grrrr! I f***ing HATE blind ideology!

Propaganda Panda says...

2006-09-11T11:15:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this children's book, although I might as well have been.

Even more for the record, are you kidding me? Then again, I suppose it's never too early to start molding the minds of the future.

"My sisters and I are using them this Christmas for stocking stuffers..." Beth Shepherd

Beth, please tell me I am not on your Christmas list.

So, what did you do last weekend?

2006-09-02T15:09:00.000-04:00

If those sharks in the previous post had laser beams on their heads, that would have been much cooler.

So, keeping with the theme of life changing events in the lives of our editors, I think I had one that qualifies last weekend. Gstdog and I travelled to Atlanta to fulfill our annual obligation to participate in a Fantasy Football draft. Half of the League lives in Orlando, and last year the Atlanta guys came down, so it was our turn to reciprocate.

That was not the life changing event. The picture below is the point of the story:

What you see here is a digital snapshot of my daughter's nursery. A little light on the decor, you might say. A little light on the crib, toys, clothes and furniture, you might also say.

And you'd be right. When I left for Atlanta on Friday, it was full of everything listed above, including an adorable 14-month old baby girl, every night since we moved here in November of 2005. So where is everything, you ask? Good question.

Apparently, mom wasn't happy, so she left. She left while dad was out of town and she decided that my daughter should leave as well. She also took everything she owns, as well as almost everything that anyone had given our daughter. She took the food from the kitchen that she had brought into the house. She took the lawn mower her dad had found at a garage sale for $5. She took her dishes, pots, pans, silverware and furniture. She even cleaned out her part of the junk drawer.

In short, I am suddenly a 36-year old, single father living alone in a 2900 sq. ft house.

My life has changed.

Oh, and I'm getting a lawyer on Tuesday.

The Strike of a Great White Shark

2006-09-01T08:05:00.000-04:00

From I-am-bored.com, but this deserves a repost. Actually, I have nothing to really add because commentary can't really do this video justice...

Great White Shark Wow sharks are scary.

Okay, I lied. I do have some commentary. Given that I get 95% of my great white shark information from the movie Jaws, I think that Steven Spielberg has done America a great disservice. The shark in that movie looks like a pussy compared to the real thing. Can you imagine a slow motion shot of the shark exploding out of the surface of the water with a swimmer in its mouth, hanging in the air, and the plunging back down? That would have been unbelievable. Instead, we get treated to some mysterious shark fins and red water. Big deal.

Gstdog on the Range

2006-08-29T20:14:00.000-04:00

Nothing demands politeness and courtesy like a room full of guns. My friend John took me to the gun range last week, and we had some fun with a 9mm handgun and a .22 rifle. What struck me as fascinating was how incredible polite, courteous, and down right *slow* everyone acts--the store owners, customers, everybody. Nobody makes any fast movements, everybody thinks 2-3 seconds before they say anything. A guy brought in a gun he had bought at a gun show. The owner let him know that the sighting on it wasn't worth much and he was probably ripped off. The customer just paused, collected his thoughts, and then shrugged his shoulders and said "Oh....well, can you help me pick out a new one?" Any other situation, and this guy would have probably at least been pissed enough to grimace.

Anyway, enough about gun store culture and more about the guns. First up was the Jericho, a 9mm handgun produced by the Israeli Military Industries. Let me say-wow! I fired my fair share of air guns and paintball guns in the past, but nothing prepares your for the kick of a real weapon like that. Of course, John laughingly explained that the recoil on the Jericho was light and I was a pussy just for saying something about it. A 9mm handgun is pretty small compared to a .45 caliber gun, but I'll save that for another day. My first several shots were missing to the right, which meant I wasn't squeezing the trigger smoothly. I loaded in another clip, made a few adjustments, and fired. Much better the second time. I'm not going to win any sharpshooting contests, but I can definitely hit a man in the chest at 10-20 feet (which from what I understand, is all you really need to be able to do since that's the range of any defensive gun fire in your own home).

Second up was a .22 rifle. Now that was fun. This brought me back to the days of sharpshooting in Counter Strike or Grand Theft Auto. There was zero recoil, and with the scope, I could easily put a cluster of shots in a tight range at 50 feet. I'd love to try my hand at 200 feet, but I'll have to find an outdoor range for that one. Anyway, loading the rifle is incredibly easy. The bullets just slide in the side of the rifle, and the you can fire off ten shots. Everytime I squared up to fire, a smile crept onto my face--it's just too damn fun to shoot.

This is the exact opposite feeling I had with the 9mm handgun. Everytime I picked it up, I could just feel the "death" coming off it. Now that probably sounds extreme, but I was nervous every time I fired. Heart rate up, triple checking everything, and then complete focus and no fooling around.

Of course this got me intrigued about stopping power. What's the right gun to own when it comes to defending your home? Check out this article written by the FBI on the mechanics of handgun wounding. Apparently, shooting the head is the only way to take a man down, regardless of the caliber of the gun. Something about reading a phrase like "the human target can be reliably incapacitated only by disrupting or destroying the brain." Uhh....Shaun of the Dead anyone?

So what does all this mean? For starters, I feel a hell of a lot more comfortable around guns. I can quickly check a gun to see if it's loaded and remove the magazine and any spare rounds. As far as owning a gun, the jury is still out. With kids in the house, a handgun seems so dangerous--they're designed to go off with just the slightly tensing of a finger, and that's a recipe for disaster. Maybe one day, after I get some more training on gun safety. In the mean time, gstdog will be reading up on Smith and Wesson's Tips for Firing so he can shoot the radio out of the terrorist's hand before he has a chance to call for back-up (...nothing like aiming for the hand and hitting his leg--yeah, like I said, I got better).

You're a marked man Jack Sparrow....er, I mean Ken Denman

2006-08-29T20:00:00.000-04:00

[For the record, I'm tired of our inside joke about porn, so I refuse to reference that at the beginning of this post--wait, crap, I just did--DAMNIT. Last time, I swear.]

When Roy Disney decided to go after Eisner and the Disney board a few years ago, I was thrilled. For starters, as a Disney stockholder, I was glad that someone with some authority was challenging the recent decisions of Eisner. Come on--$5 BILLION for Fox Family Channel??? Anyway, I was also excited because I loved the intrigue of boardroom politics. Of course, the media painted Disney as a savior of the company's heritage and values, and I bought into it hook line and sinker.

So what's the relevance? Turns out ol' Roy is less a savior and more a pirate. He and his holding company, The East India Trading Company...wait, no....Shamrock Activist Value Fund has a new investment strategy. Find a company that has great potential and a weak leader, buy enough shares to get a seat at the table, and then use your clout to oust the CEO. Ken Denman, CEO of iPass, has this to say:

"They've made it clear that they shot Eisner ... and that they can dance on my grave anytime they want."

Nice. The author of the article said it best: "Stay tuned. Maybe Roy Disney and Gold are true reformers. Maybe they do have a better plan than Denman for iPass. Or maybe they took too many trips on that ride, Pirates of the Caribbean."

[Update: regardless of what yojay may have told you in his mini blog, gstdog is alive and well. And yes, I am working on an incredibly mind-blowing post that is worthy of being described as the greatest of all time. But it will have to wait another week or two. In the meantime, please enjoy the return of my normal quality articles, which tend to be more relevant and entertaining then posts about video games and comic strips.]

Best way to upgrade?

2006-08-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

...break your current PC.

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

I have been looking for a new motherboard, since mine got fried last night while I was installing my new video card. Bad news is that my new video card was an AGP 8X to go with my motherboard. Now that I need a new mobo I am kind of stuck getting an AGP8x one instead of upgrading to PCI-Express, unless I want to sell my new videocard and buy an even more expensive one, PCI-E flavor.

I guess it will save me money in the long run. In the meantime, here is a pretty good link explaining just what, exactly, is going on inside your PC.

I'm using this post as a bookmark so I can find this again, since I am posting this from Paulie's PC across town.

You make one movie...

2006-08-17T15:11:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this DVD on my desk.

Move over 'The Hoff'. There's a new cool in school. You may be big in Europe, but you got nothin' on my Central Florida office building. My normal routine got a little more normal today, when I walked into my cubicle to find this:

As a man of the people, I have always felt it to be a duty to make myself accessible to my public, my people...my fans. Keeping with my generous philosophy, I embraced this opportunity to warm a dear fan's heart and delivered the greeting you see below.

Or..

Holy f*ck of holy potato! Someone asked for my autograph! Are you kidding me?!! This is better than blogging the internets!1!!

New tattoo...

2006-08-16T15:35:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this photo.

So, I was thinking about getting a tattoo. I looked around and finally found one I liked. Unfortunately, the only example I could find was already tattooed on this guy. The swastika is nice but I can't quite make out what it says over his right eye.

Also, it looks like he was in a fight. I wonder why? I guess 'church dispute'.

Subway turnstiles generating electricity?

2006-08-13T20:16:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

This idea is so cool, I don't really want to waste time giving it a half-assed introduction like I usually do. It doesn't even look like Japan is using traditional turnstiles, but mats on the floor that sense vibration. Why not make the entire floor of Grand Central Station out of that stuff? Or plant the technology on major roadways to power remote road lighting? What, do I have to come up with all the cool applications for a technology I don't really understand? Well, maybe you should read the article before I go on, so you know what the hell I'm talking about.

The ticket gate electricity generation system relies on a series of piezo elements embedded in the floor under the ticket gates, which generate electricity from the pressure and vibration they receive as people step on them. When combined with high-efficiency storage systems, the ticket gate generators can serve as a clean source of supplementary power for the train stations. Busy train stations (and those with large numbers of passengers willing to bounce heavily through the gates) will be able to accumulate a relatively large amount of electricity.

Best page in the Universe?

2006-08-12T22:57:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this guy's blog.

Sometimes, a paragraph contains something good. Sometimes that paragraph is buried on a page on a site that you will never find on your own. That is what blockquotes are for. Sometimes context is needed for the good thing to be truly appreciated. I have no time for context, except to say that maddox (the author) doesn't like people with stupid ideas.

These are the same types of people who drop names in conversations without properly introducing the new characters first, so you'll be sitting at your desk waiting for your boss to leave so you can go home early, when suddenly a co-worker will drop by and just start talking about Jack or John or Dwayne, and you're wondering who the hell still names their kid "Dwayne," and when the exact moment was that you decided your life was for sale at an hourly rate of $16.75, give or take a shitty office party every year and a box of stale donuts in the morning, only to go home to a dumpy apartment in some shit hole state that people more successful than you glance at out of their window as they pass over in a private jet on their way home to bang their hot trophy wives.

NANACA CRASH...

2006-08-12T14:12:00.000-04:00

...will not be topped today,but this game will drive you nuts, especially when you realize that you will never beat my score. It's called Chain Reaction.

Good luck, suckers.

UPDATE:

Oh...and for the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this game.

Half-Life 2 Citadel - version 0.1

2006-08-10T15:34:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

This thing reminds me of the Half-Life 2 combine/Citadel. I'm not sure what it is or if it deserves a blog posting, but it seems that a crapload of work went into it by an old German guy, so I can give it 15 minutes.

He makes skeletons which are able to walk on the wind. Eventualy (sic) he wants to put these animals out in herds on the beaches, so they will live their own lives.

You can barely tell here, but the black wall moves a little bit like this thing in the video. I spent quite some time looking for a video on Google and YouTube of the Citadel in action, then I realized I needed to get on with my life.

CONCERNED - Half-Life Comic with my Full Support

2006-08-10T10:34:00.001-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this comic.

Have you ever gone over to a friend's house to eat the food just ain't no good? I mean, the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed and the chicken tastes like wood. So, you try to play it off like you think you can, by saying that you're full, but your friend says "Mama, he's just being polite. He ain't finished, uh-uh that's bull".

Well, we don't have that problem today. This is good stuff from the inbred world of on-line gaming. When you spend as much time with Half-Life 2 and it's Terror-SWAT mod, Counter-Strike, as I have, you find some truths.

I should be a whole lot better at these games than I am.
I blame my inferior hardware.
A comic like this is just what the doctor ordered.

Lazy Town Songs

2006-08-09T19:04:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

[On a side note, I didn't realize my co-editor yojay had taken the extreme and automated the new required phrase. Kudos. And it happens to be very appropriate--the girl in reference is underage and that's not how I found this stuff.]

"Yar Har fiddle-dee-dee. Being a pirate is alright to be. Do what you want cause a pirate is free. You are a pirate." So, anyway, that phrase has been stuck in my head for the past two days. All because of a truly bizarre, creepy kids' show known as Lazy Town. The best way to describe it is 12-year-old girl with pink hair, a guy with a fake mustache, a guy with a grotesquely large head, and puppets--creepy putters that look like animatronic robots with skin stretched across their faces. Yeah, my kids love it.

So here's what got me started:

Yes it's catchy, and yes, YTMND has completely embraced it and it's mantra for digital piracy. Of course, as fun as that song is, this following one has become quite the cult phenomenon:

There is so much more to show you, but I'll save it for another post. I think I may have to get the soundtrack for the car.

So this is why no one reads our blog

2006-08-06T00:30:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

A persistent theme among people writing about the social aspects of weblogging is to note (and usually lament) the rise of an A-list, a small set of webloggers who account for a majority of the traffic in the weblog world. This complaint follows a common pattern we've seen with MUDs, BBSes, and online communities like Echo and the WELL. A new social system starts, and seems delightfully free of the elitism and cliquishness of the existing systems. Then, as the new system grows, problems of scale set in. Not everyone can participate in every conversation. Not everyone gets to be heard. Some core group seems more connected than the rest of us, and so on.

There. Now I feel better. Of course, gstdog needs to explain to me why we're not using RidiculouslyEasyGroupForming to drive traffic. I could explain it by saying that I never knew it existed until now, but that's because I spend most of my time surfing for porn and who wants to admit to that? Of course, there's always MEATBALL PeertoPeerSyndication.

I'd say the biggest drawbacks to these ideas are their long freaking names. In the time it takes me to say their names, I could have painted a picture...of a guy...with a big knife.

Preaching to the choir..bitch!

2006-08-06T00:21:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

Imagine the bliss of IPv6 telematics, mobility, autoconfiguration, "mandatory IPSec" encrypted traffic and enough IPs to globally address everything with a battery or even a reference to a snippet of code for the world to access. Now imagine your firewalls and IDS sensors being blind to IPSec or even just cleartext 6to4 tunneled traffic. Debunking many myths, such as IPv6 "built-in security", prior to the transition is key as we watch the beloved IPv4 become legacy, say goodbye to NAT and the 6bone and welcome more DNSSEC, tunnel brokers and distributed PKI firewalls?!

No fucking shit. That's what I'm talking about!

I love my HackBerry

2006-08-05T23:37:00.000-04:00

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article.

"Because it's a handheld device, most people don't think it's something that can actually harm the rest of your internal network," D'Aguanno said. "But a Blackberry is not your average handheld. It's not just a PDA that's connected (to your network) only when you're in the office. It's a code-running machine that's always on and always connected to your internal network and has direct access to whatever you give it access to. And most company architectures allow it unfettered access to everything on the internal network."

It's only a matter of time before my company yanks the access rug from my Blackberry. No more Texas Hold 'Em King or Bass Master. Just so long as they don't take away my Blackberry Messenger. How else will I pass notes to my co-worker sitting to my immediate right in my next meeting?

One more reason to marry in a church...

2006-08-02T17:28:00.000-04:00

...and not on South Beach.

For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this picture. In fact, I wasn't even on the internet. I took this photo in 2004, in a suit and my barefeet, like the rest of the wedding party and guests.

Password Hacking Made Easy

2006-08-02T07:39:00.000-04:00

Update: Upon further review, all posts on this blog shall begin as follows: For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this...

[Insert edit] For the record, I was not looking for porn when I discovered this article. [/edit] A quick read of Fark this morning led me to an article on Ten Windows Password Myths. Sounds interesting, right? Well imagine my concern when I don't even understand what the hell the first myth is even talking about. "Many readers will be familiar with the weaknesses in LanManager (LM) password hashes that made L0phtcrack so popular." Uh, what?

Unfortunately, wikipedia failed me for a simple explanation. A quick search of "password hashes" led me to this wiki article which includes ASCII art and programming code--not exactly what I was looking for. Okay, so now I'm starting to feel really stupid. I'm apparently not familiar with the weakness of LanManager like many readers, and now I can't even seem to understand a wikipedia article. This is bad.

Since my normal search failed me (going to Google and putting the subject of interest in the search box followed by the phrase "wiki"), it was time to do the unthinkable--search the whole Internet. Ah, success! Read this great FAQ on password basics. Although, I'm ready to start hacking passwords now after reading the article. Funny how the best information out there is from the dark side. If you excuse me now, I'm going to go brush up on how to attack other computers anonymously.

Perfect Passwords

Who wants a pick me up?

2006-08-01T21:56:00.000-04:00

Flickr goodness...Infrared photography style.

The Bell Tower in Oakland Cemetery, Atlanta, Georgia. When you die, that is it. The myriad of biochemical systems that have to constantly keep reactions going to sustain life relax toward equilibrium. The whole system shuts down, stops to function as an organism as whole in the environment. We as people have partitioned out tracts of land to bury our useless non-functional bodies in elaborate expensive crates, marked by carved slabs of stone. But just because our bodies have relaxed to equilibrium, does not stop the world from slowly tearing the remaining matter back into dust. A cemetery just delays the inevitable. We live for just a mere few tens of years, We can only remain buried for few hundred million, if you were lucky to fossilize. In several billion the sun will exhaust its fuel, and expand to swallow the earth whole in one gulp. All those atoms that make up your body will join the others to swim in giant ball of fire. In meantime, we keep putting bodies in the ground, and it makes for interesting photography, especially with the magic camera.